I've just got back from my counselling center down the road..
long story cut short – i had a bad night, everything went through my head! From cakes to suicide! I woke up feeling just as bad and unable to get out of bed i felt numb. i eventually managed at 9am after laying there awake getting wound up for 3 hours. I've been sat in my room all day bored silly, getting more and more frustrated! It got to the point i felt sucidal again, but then remember my doctors words 'one more overdose could be fatal naomi' so i cut myself, and then panicked. Few more hours later i remembered my therapist yesterday saying 'theres always someone here you can talk to' i knodded my head saying yeah yeah..not expecting that the day after that i would be feeling ill enough to have to act on it. But im glad i did coz now i feel alot calmer after venting it out 🙂
So yeah i phoned! at about 2 o clock, spoke to my regular therapist for a few mins and she told me to literally walk straight out of the house and down the road to see her! Coz last time i panicked i cut myself before my counselling session and ended up having to go to hospital. So i followed her instructions, slapped some foundation on my blotchy tear stained face, ripped my door key off my keychain, grabbed a tissue and speed walked down to the center!
We had a quick meeting upstairs with my regular therapist and one other man called simon..he seemed friendly but i found myself facing nikki sometimes in despair. After she left i just cried…once i got myself together i was able to face this guy and begin to open up to him about some of whats on my mind..he was very good with his words..he said out loud exactly how i felt. weird!!
I normally find it easier to talk to a female, because of my previous trauma but he seemed pretty neutral..*sigh*
not sure what to do with myself now, i'm not letting myself eat! But il go to the gym soon..all i see is fat fat fat! urghhhh i want to stop feeling like this!