A little backstory; So, the father of my baby lives at my house with me, and my family. I'll call him Z. So he's been here since July of last year, so about 8 months. We met in June. July I was at a party and got token advantage of, he was there for me through all of it, so, my parents let him move in for my sake. I found out I was pregnant around the end of August. Anyways.. Our relationship obviously moved way to fast. I barely knew him, and I was pregnant with his baby. I slowly started to realize how insane this whole thing was, and I didn't really want to be with him anymore. His mom is very narcissistic and emotionally controlling. He was so happy to get out of that situation, so I never told him how I felt, cause I knew he'd be crushed having to move back to his house. The more time he spent at my house, he became very… Overly attached. He would go through my phone, email, etc. I had one friend for 6 years. I'll call him N. Literally, this dude was my only friend. He never judged me, and I felt comfortable enough to be able to tell him anything and everything. He lived in California, so it wasn't like I'd be with with him all the time, we would just call each other a few times a week, and talk about how the week has been, etc. Z got extremely jealous. Talking to N became very hard, I was basically waiting for Z to go to bed, so I could go outside for a few mins to talk to N without Z getting all butt hurt. If I didn't delete the call logs, and texts there would be a huge argument. Needless to say, me and N aren't friends anymore, and we haven't spoken in 5+ months.I moved on from that. I tried to make the best of things with Z. He's not the type of person that's easy to get along with, especially around me for some reason. When he's with his friends, or anyone else pretty much.. He's happy go lucky around them, and then when it's just us, things turn into very long and awkward silence. It wasn't always like that, I don't understand what happen..

Anyways what kills me the most is he NEVER is worried about me, only what I'm doing. If I'm on the computer or something he'll be right there watching and getting all interested. But when it comes to things like baby doctor appointments, therapy, etc, he could give a shit less. Since I've been pregnant, he hasn't once asked me how I was feeling, or how the baby was doing. If he didn't want to be apart of this I would gladly accept it, in fact I would rather him not be involved than to hang around not doing shit. I try to suggest him going home for a fews days so he can spend time with his family (and give me a little break) but he turns it around on me, saying how I don't want to be with him, he's a horrible person, no body cares about him, everyone hates him blah blah and makes me feel like an asshole. I seriously don't understand! Lately it's been bad. He doesn't do anything, but go to work, and sleep. My family is not rich, so supporting another person is finically a burden. He doesn't help pay bills, get food, anything. Just his presence is starting to annoy me. The only time I feel comfortable is when he's at work. It seriously feels like a huge weight is lifted, and I can enjoy a few hours without him. I don't know what I'm going to do when the baby gets here.. My parents complain to me about him too "Tell Z to do this, and do that" , "Why doesn't he do this.." Etc. They don't understand how hard it is for me to talk to him. I feel so guilty. He lost his father from suicide. I couldn't imagine… And his mom, like I said is absolutely horrible. I feel pretty shitty just writing this, but it's bottling up and I don't know how much longer I can handle it.

1 Comment
  1. cosmic_bananas 8 years ago

    Thanks for input Omnicell!

    I have suggested a therapist to him, when his father died.. I\'ll have to bring it up again and see what happens. He doesn\'t have insurance, and most therapist around here charge a crap load for one session. I\'ll have to help him search for one, maybe it\'ll help us bond. I would of never thought of a 12 step program! Will definitely be looking it to that aswell, 🙂

    I really hate the idea of just leaving him behind, and I do feel sorry for him, manipulative or not. He wasn\'t always like this, so I believe something must\'ve happened to make him behave the way he is. I don\'t blame him for every wrong thing that\'s happened in our relationship, I have BPD, so having a stable long term relationships is not something I\'m good at.
    —- I honestly don\'t know if I love him still, but I do care about him and I want things to okay with us. If not together, than as good friends.

    I seriously think things would be %99 better, if he would just go to his house for a little while, every now and then.

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