My therapist told me assumptions are the most dangerous thing to relationships to life and in general….because supposedly they are usually wrong. I'm so scared to hug him or kiss him. SO scared to say I Love You becuz i'm scared of rejections. I assume hes going to pull away or look at me like wtf why are you touching me or even talking to me.

So just a little bit ago I tried casually just kinda jokingly cuddle with him and he pulled away. I could feel it. It was obviously. It hurts cause he had cuddled me and was close to me the last couple days. But today he seemed distant and a little irritated. I always assume its my fault . Old habits die hard but i'm trying not to take it so hard.

It hurts but i didnt make a big scene of it. I just poured another glass of my Moscato and curled up with my laptop to watch True Blood. I know our relationship will take time to fully regain its meaning but i'm going to try hard not to get in the dumps at failed attempts.

I am just going to go back to letting him come to me. Seems fair. No rejection that way and then I know when hes ready. Just sucks. Still have never got my hug. I want a hug. I think i will probably cry with emotion of joy the day I get it

Hopefully not tho…it might freak him out. BUT….it will be ok. I'm getting there. I will have my bad days,my down days, I know this and I know i'm not going to let the get to me like I used to. Its ok rejection is apart of life. we learn from it we grow from it and we try again.

Never give up, It wont always be like this.