I remember why I enjoy staying up so late. It's about the nothingness that this time of night brings. I miss my old friends. One person I got very close to, and we sort of drifted apart. That makes me very sad, and tonight, along with missing another person, is making making me feel very lonely. My heart is in a very unsure place right now; I feel as if everything is bittersweet. Some mornings I want to really enjoy the world and some I want that simplicity back.

I remember only a short time ago I would spend all-nighters on here talking to a select few people. Something about being lonely and discussing it with others really is something that one longs for sometimes. I'm not saying I want to be lonely, but those were good times, times I surely do miss. The Spanish One, The Model, and The Southern Belle, I shall call them that. I remember long nights with The Model. The one thing I can say about her is that she had some serious sass to her. She was also extremely intelligent and somehow gave me this schoolboy feeling. That feeling you get when you're ten years old and you're giggling about your crush and your friends are teasing you. I remember one night in particular, where she acted as a counselor. I was very angry with her because of that, but I realize she only made the inevitable happen sooner. I'm not sure if I was broken hearted or not, but I know the one I saw as a perfect senorita was simply out of my grasp, and surely my grasp is short and weak. Kind of like myself, at least in the physical sense.

The Southern Belle was a close friend, but thankfully I have not lost touch. It's funny how my friends are always so incredibly beautiful; I suppose it's because God or something wants me to appreciate the beauty within this world, and possibly to see that what is inside is not always as it seems. Maybe it's also so I could realize I'm not the ugly monster I saw myself at times. When you have young ladies such as these three really being honest, it becomes a bit more reasonable to believe that one is not so bad after all. This one is the friend that I just could get some laughs out of and from. I cannot describe our relationship but she's certainly someone you want to meet as she not only has the sass of The Model, but she has the nature of a wildfire, and she keeps on burning and burning.

The Senorita, where do we start? I don't even remember when we met, but I'm quite sure it was the end of summer. What I recall the most is the long peaceful nights and the talks that allowed me to really show all of me. Maybe not everything, but it was getting there more than almost anyone I have known. Some people it is easy to admit your flaws and your issues within your mind, and with The Spanish Girl it was simply a matter of admitting everything as if it were conversational. Crying was my strong point, and I admit I've cried gallons of tears. She told me not to fall in love, and as I am a young fool I most certainly did, and out of that I got experiences that are purely divine. She sees something in everyone, and her ability to give forgiveness really inspires me in ways she does not know. Her love for God is the type of love for God that is pure and correct, and she simply loves regardless of the high price love costs nowadays. I think the one thing I miss is receiving those nice messages from her, or maybe the fact she was just simply cute, or even possibly the fact she could let me know I was being an idiot by smacking me in the proverbial sense, and never for a second make me feel any less for her. That was the simplicty of this girl. We never had much to talk about except whatever came up, but I think my ability to discuss with her herself, and what I saw in her and also what I thought of what I saw, inside and out, truly made the experience something to behold.

Live life slowly, or at least stop and take it in. Jesus asked us to consider the lilies, and if there is one thing biblical I will follow, it is that. Do not beg for time to go quicker, as I am already regretting it. I am only nineteen and yet I fear for tomorrow because I'm getting older and older as days go on. I quite simply fear everything to come for it means I step more into aging, and I wish I worshipped the time that was when I was younger, even only a year ago. I'm scared of being a person, and quite simply I wish I did not long for silly things. Even if you are depressed, please bask in the happenings of the four-o-clock in the morning sleepless nights you experience, because there will be a day you wish you could go back and just watch it all unfold like a movie. Nostalgia at its finest. My life has had many perfect love stories, comedic happenings, and so much more, and it seems I let it all slip by just because I was simply bored of being stuck in one place at one time. I hope I can slow down, and I sure hope when I die God set the VCR to record, because there is so much I should have taken in, that I someday would like to really be able to witness once again.