So I’m feeling a tad better than a few days ago. Still depressed and utterly gutted, but I’m trying my best to lift myself up again—new and improved. I saw a GP today, and got a 6 month prescription for anti-depressants, and an inhaler for my respiratory problems. Hopefully it’ll aid me in my efforts to recover.
My friend whose been seeing my girlfriend, well, ex…messaged me the other day after I accepted his FB friend request. He sent me an essay apologizing for what he had done, and tried to minimize damage. He seemed sincere… He even said that he cut himself, he felt so bad. I figured that what’s done is done, and by holding animosity, I’m only gonna reinforce my hurt feelings… So I told him it’s alright. Told him he needn’t worry… Nothing I say or do is gonna change what happened, or how my ex and everyone thinks about me, so I decided to take the back seat and let it go… It burns deep, especially being in the dark about a lot of things I’d really like to know…but at least this way, there can be peace. I don’t wanna fight, or get enraged, or hold grudges anymore… I’ve always had a tendency to act on emotion, and ended up doing the wrong thing… I want to live and learn. Not live and burn. I also spoke, well, messaged my ex and told her it’s alright. Told her that I’d still be here for her. I know her well enough to know that something’s bothering her, eating at her, but I don’t think she’ll ever speak to me. And I’m not gonna pry either… I think her conscience is acting up, I don’t know… And a part of me feels like I’m the only one that can help her. Strange how the one person that can make you stop crying is the person that made you cry… Anyways, I’ve sealed what’s left of my heart, or at least I like to think I have, but my helping hand is still present if required.
It’s hard to forget someone that’s given you so much to remember… I obviously still have intense feelings for her… But I guess that will fade with time. I just want peace rather than war. I’ve been medicating myself and drowning my mind out with hours upon hours of Chillstep mixes. I think I’ll keep doing that for a while…
