I have this friend, her name's Alexandria. She'd kill me if I she knew I put that. Let's call her Al, she likes it better. She's a lesbian, and we dated. She said she fell in love with me, and she was good at forming lies quickly. We broke up, were on and off for a while, and now we're best friends. It still stings a little when I see her with her new girlfriend- she's a player. She tells every girl she dates that she loves them, then just completely throws everything away. Anyway, we're friends. And she jokes around a lot- calls me fat and a whore and stuff. And I try desperately to act like it doesn't hurt, and some times I can get myself to say it back. Cause honestly, even though she's joking, it hurts. I struggled with my weight, even though I'm around 100 lbs. I was anorexic with bulimic tendencies, and I almost died because of it.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. "This chick's 15, and she's already attempted suicide(twice), and has been anorexic? So young to be depressed." Yeah, I get that a lot. Depression doesn't put a specific age limit on itself.

Let me tell you- it sucks.

It creeps up on me when I least expect it- and BAM- I have a meltdown. Anyway, back to the story. I really struggled. I had a tumblr, and I posted pictures of myself. I got so many anonymous messages telling me how fat and ugly I was. How I should kill myself. It tore me apart, and at some point, it managed to break me down enough to be anorexic.
Anorexic with bulimic tendencies- that's how my doctor described it when we talked. I was put in the hospital after passing out at school. They had me in there for a little over a month with a feeding tube. And then I went to a psychiatric hospital- which I then went back to several more times after that. I starved myself, and sometimes I ate so much and then threw it all up. And I would go to school, scared to talk to people, the voices told me I was too fat to talk to them. Wasn't good enough.

And then, I was diagnosed with mild schizophrenia. I was labeled crazy at my school.

And she know that I struggled. So why on earth would she joke about it? She knows my whole story, and that's what scares me. She knows.
I don't get why she doesn't realize she's hurting me all over again. Let me tell you this-

Even if it's a joke, it might hurt someone more than you know.

                                                                             Sanely Yours,

1 Comment
  1. Andie372 8 years ago

    She was bad at being your girlfriend, she's an even worse friend.  She knows what you went through, and still "jokes" about it.  Of course it hurts.  I don't keep people around me who are toxic to my well being.  Put yourself first.  If people are genuine, they will be sensitive to your needs.  I've never had an eating disorder, so I can't speak to that.  I'm sorry you struggle with it.  Yes you can be depressed at 15.  When I look back on my life, I know I was depressed at an early age.  I was always "different" but I have found a lot of acceptance here on DT.  Now if I could just get people in "real life" to be that way! 

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