*Yaaawn* I amsleepy. I've hada long day–or perhaps a long weekend? Andyet whathas happened that hasn't happened a milliontimes before? I taught Sabbath School class yesterday (I go to church on Saturday, yes) for 7 to9-year-olds. I had ananxiety attack thatmorning, which made it difficult to get dressed and eat breakfast.None the less, I made it to church, and had a full class of about seven kids (that's full forjust being me alone with them haha–I've done it many times before, though). A few of the kids were extremelyrambunctious, but I actually enjoyed the challenge. The kidsmade me laugh, too. It was really goodto be back. Though I still felt out of place in some ways; thisused to be my class–I set the rules and the tone in the classroom. Now I have to stop and think,"Wait, whatdoes the regular teacher do?" But hey, that's life, right? At least Ican trustmy kids to be truthful when I ask them.

Anyway, then I really wanted to leave before the church service, but made myself stay. Not like I had a choice since I don't drive. ­čśŤ The song service set me on edge; it was really odd how the pianist kept changing the rhythm drastically within the same song. C'mon! Do you want the song to be fast or slow? Make up your mind!! How 'bout some consistency?!

Anyway…. Today, went to work as usual–babysitting kids at a Methodist church during their two services. It was a busy, interesting morning, but good. Something weird happened at one point, though. There are two different rooms we have for the kids. At this time, my friend/co-worker was in one room with a baby who was sleeping, and I was across the hall in the other room with three little girls who were running around playing. ThenI sawone of the SundaySchool teachers taking a little boy touse the restroom. I used to have that little boy inthe nursery. It was like Ifroze for a few seconds, and felt like screaming and runningorsomething.

Now before you think I'm completely insane, let me explain why. For a few months, this little boy and I were good buddies. I comforted him through a lot of times when he was anxious over his mom leaving him in the nursery. He would run to hug me. Then after a bit, he started having the seperation anxiety again and didn't care about seeing me. I didn't take it personally; I understood. Mommy is always better than anyone else.

But anyway, last year in May–almost a year ago now–my cat died. A few days later, I was at work Sunday morning. This little boy came, and I hugged him. It felt so good to hug him–I felt so heartbroken…. But he was fussy and wanted his mom, so after a few minutes, she came back and took him with her to church. I understood completely. Poor little boy; he wanted his mommy like I wanted Jeneen (my kitty). It hurt so much to be hurting like that and not be able to be comforted.

So in that moment it was like I was taken back to that day with all its pain and sorrow. It was weird. I wanted to hide and cry, but I had to make myself snap out of it so I could watch the girls–especially since one of them has a bad habit of pushing or grabbing when she wants something. (She's a very sweet girl, really; she's just having a hard time learning since she's apparently been playing with bigger kids who aren't very nice to her.)

Then an interesting thing; got to spend awhile with one of the kids I'm closest to–Sophie; she's 5 now. She wanted me to read with her–she wanted me to read this one book to her twice. lol So cute. This particular book has a song in it that I often sing to my Jeneen. So it was like I was being forced to face the memories–but now it was good. I was able to share some very special moments with a very sweetlittle girl.

Spent much of the rest of the day drawing–mostly animals this time. It feelsgood and it's coming moreeasily than I thought it would.

1 Comment
  1. tpmnight 12 years ago

    I’m glad to hear that you had a great time with the kids! I’m sorry about Jeneen. I lost my dog Zeus two and a half years ago and there are still times when something will evoke a strong memory of him.┬áIt’s wonderful that you were able to┬árelive┬ámemories of her while┬ásinging to the little girl and feel good about it.

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