I'm a 32 year old man in the Armed Forces. I won't say what I do or what branch I am in but OCD is really starting to affect my life. I lead soldiers daily, been in combat multiple times in Iraq and Afghanistanand perform outstanding on the battlefield. OCD has never affected my ability to lead my soldiers or perform my duties but lately I have noticed my OCD "flare up" like it has never done before. When I was 16 a psychiatrist told me that I had OCD and put me on Paxil, primarily because I used to wash my hands alot and my parents thought it was weird. I used the Paxil for about a week and finally I realized that they were the crazy ones and stopped taking it. From 17-24 years of age OCD never even came into my life. Then deployment one starts, high stress compiled with being away from my family and it begins to start all over again. The hand washing andintrusive thoughts almost drove me over the edge. Then it went away again. Deployment number 2 and 3 are normal, no issues. Then during my most recent deployment (about 5 months ago) it all started back again. Intrusive thoughts and hand washing, like the damn hand washing will make the thoughts go away.

I have been on Luvox 100mg off and on for about 4 years. It worked wonders a few years ago but now it doesn't do anything. I recently stopped taking it because I noticed that whether I took the meds or not the thoughts did not go away. I took control back of my life and I had to realize that these thoughts are just thoughts and hand washing is a way of making everything better in my mind about the thoughts. Talking to pschiatrists never did anything. They always try to say that I have PTSD from things I have seen. And yes, I have seen things a normal human being will never see or want to see in their lives, but I don't have thoughts about war. That never bothers me. I am truly content with war because war is necessary, not only to maintain peace in the world but to waste tax payers dollars and bother useless countries that don't want us there. Some psychiatrists actually try to tell me that I don't have OCD, that is when I get up and walk out, especially since I have done enought research to know the signs, symptoms, diagnosis', and treatments.

I always thought that OCD was a punishment from God for things I have done. I was a great kid, anhonor student, an athlete, everything you would want in a child. But somewhere along the line something changed and my life has been upside down ever since. People that "know" me and are close to me always say that I am being punished things I have done in my life.Maybe I should take them off of Facebook? I sure wish I could cut a deal with God but I have come to realize that maybe he has a sense of humor and likes to see things play out on their own. Still I pray every night to make this go away but it never does. The OCD calms down when I stay busy, but we all know that there is a still calm just before the storm, more like a tsunami or a hurricane.

Does anyone have any suggestions on beating this disorder? I sure do hate losing, and I refuse to lose a battle with myself.

  1. lcfc68 11 years ago

    i kinda understand wot ya saying, dangerous things are a bit scary,but stupid things scare me more wot kind a brain is that…but ur right about keeping busy that always helps me along with antidepressants n i take these pills call kalms as well, they tend to help too…good luck with ur battle mate..stay safe..

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  2. pinksparkle 11 years ago

    hey,i suffer intrusive thoughts ocd too,pure o and im doing CBT at the moment ,this has really helped me, im not 'cured' but i can manage life alot better and my ocd is always there but doesnt always rule my life as it did before. I took myself to hospital and told them to keep me in as i thought i was going mad about 2 years ago. this is no punishment from god i dont know if im religious but if there is a god he wouldnt punish he would forgive,you dont deserve this its not your fault.if people are saying that maybe you should remove them from facebook,cut all the negative people out of your life,you dont need that and anyone that says that isnt a friend.my advice is go to a psyciatrist and tell them you know you have ocd and that you need there help,if one dismisses it,try another there are good ones and bad ones,sending lots of support as i know its horrific to have but theres hope :.) xxxx

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  3. donovan23 11 years ago

    On the contrary, I had been taking the medicine for 4 years.  I just woke up one day and realized that the meds can stop thoughts, only boost seratonin, but if I could be happy with myself why would I need the drugs.

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  4. donovan23 11 years ago

    And as far as the military, I have been in for 11 years and I am a highly decorated Soldier.  My OCD never affects my ability to lead troops in battle.  There is not time to wash your hands or check things when bullets and rockets are flying by you.  No need for a career change, this is what I love.  I am a great leader and will continue to be great.  The military is my life.

    On another note, unless you have been anywhere in the world where there is a military conflict going on I highly recommend you recant that statement.  I don't mind being in other people's countries because I took an oath to do what I do, and you will never understand the amount of money that is wasted overseas until you are there.  Hasn't the economy in the US right now turned to shit?  Do you know how much money it costs to fund a war for one day?  No, that is what I thought.

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  5. Ashling 11 years ago

    It's great that you have something that you're passionate and confident about. One strategy that's worked for me is to draw analogies between battling OCD and what I'm passionate and confident about (as it happens, ski instructing). The trick is to take something you're awesome at and to transfer some of that awesomeness to dealing with your OCD.  

    You might ask yourself:

    In what ways are fighting OCD and combat similar?

    What skills do you have as a military leader, which you can employ to fight your OCD?


    I have no experience with the military whatsoever, but a few ideas spring to mind. In both cases, you need to know your enemy. The better your intel, the better your predictions of what's coming up, and the better your strategy will be. The more you know about OCD, the better. Both require courage, etc.  




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  6. egardina 11 years ago

    I completely understand, OCD eats away at you to a point that you cannot function peacefully and anxiety and tremendous stress brings it out more.   I had to change my med recently and it helped a lot.  Unfortunately there is no real answer to beating it completely.  I am a professional social worker and am in charge of a lot of different departments, contractors and my client's welfare.  I can also see immediately when they have OCD.  It is best to find a good therapist or doctor that is familiar and has a good rep with OCD.  I went to UCLA neurological center and had some of the best test me and treat me.   It was a clinical trial and helpful to others too.  I also found out that it is a PHYSICAL disorder of the brain and NOT a mental illness.  The synapses are firing too fast and do not pick up our serotonin effectively.  OCDers are also extremely intelligent people and need to keep their brains active.  Try reading some good texts on our condition we are interesting strong smart people who are extremely clean!  You are a strong survivor not a victim! 🙂


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