November 26, 2016

Making daily interactions easier one sarcastic reply at a time.


          All day long I’m bombarded with social interactions I dread. Whether it’s my mom asking if I ate today or my boyfriend telling me to look at the cat for the fifth time, I always have to carefully predetermine my reply. One wrong word and the next hour or two of my life is a crippling headache. When I just can’t win (which is more than not,) I turn to sarcasm. Sure, it can most definitely infuriate people…IF you aren’t familiar with it. I’ve become very good friends with sarcasm and have learned how to utilize it. For example;

“Babe, look at the kitten. It’s asleep and it’s neck is like twisted.”

“Yeah she sleeps on me like that. Cute huh?”

“Well no…You have to look. It’s neck is like, TWISTED. You have to see.”

“I know babe she sleeps on me like that. I’ve seen it before.”

“No. You don’t get what I’m talking about.”

“Yeah you’re right. It must be different from every time I’ve seen her do it. What would I know?”

          Now you’re probably thinking that’s super subtle, not that great of sarcasm. What makes it so special is that I got him to think he won so I didn’t have to argue with him for half an hour about the way our kitten was sleeping. Life. Saver. The key ingredient is making it extremely subtle to the point the person actually thinks you’re serious. They think you’re agreeing with them, you’re discreetly being an asshole. Win win, right? Blowing up people’s ignorance yet letting you both get a taste of satisfaction.

2 Comments
  1. bridgie101 4 years ago

    aaaah nope. He sees through it, he just wants you to stop.

    If you don’t want to talk about the cat you need to actually handle that. This is adult life – you have to be honest with people.

    you’re actually perpetuating a problem, and you’re the one who needs to solve it by coming out from behind the bushes and telling the truth. ‘i’m sick to death of the damn cat, please can we talk about something else.’

    You say you don’t want a headache: you need to look into that. There is no peace that is not fought for. And what you’ve got isn’t peace.

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  2. delane 4 years ago

    Wooptydoo, I can understand why you said what you said, and some people ARE that simple. Other people are like Bridgie described. *sigh Sometimes, we tend to get stuck in a rut–of sorts–where we feel a need to be politically correct, in a sense. BS. Yeah, I said it. Whatever happened to speaking one’s mind? Whatever happened to the days of open honesty between married couples? You’re not trying to purposefully hurt his feelings, but come on!!! How many different ‘bent neck’ positions can one cat have, honestly??? i’m just sayin….some people’s children……….

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