A lot of things about school and academics has been piling up recently and I feel that I want to let it out and vent a bit.

AP tests !

Taking AP’s has been scaring me a lot lately. My first one is tomorrow and I don’t really feel confident at all. I don’t know how much I need to study or what I need to study, but at the same time I know there’s so many things I have to practice if I’m going to get a good grade. I know it’s going to take me forever, and I know I don’t have that sort of time. I really feel like I have some sort of problem with learning things and envisioning things, and for the longest time I always take longer than my peers to understand even simple concepts. Self-confidence has gone down, but at this point I just want everything to be over.

College worries

College counseling started and I really don’t know how I will manage it. My grades are not the best so I’m worried I won’t be able to go somewhere good, and having to interact with colleges beforehand seems so complicated with so much to do. I’m not even confident with getting recommendation letters from my teachers because I don’t really like getting close to teachers enough for them to know me. My parents are really pressing the matter too and trying to take command of the college process, but all I want is for them to leave it alone and I can eventually go somewhere far away where I don’t have to deal with them or my family.

I’ll have to get through these tests somehow, but I just wish school and the quarantine could end. I just want to be alone and rest and do things I want to do.