I don’t really know what’s wrong. Just that something is. I don’t want my life to be like this, every day wondering what’s going to happen. Always waiting for something bad to happen, lowering my expectations for the fear of getting hurt again. So much has happened, and I can’t focus. I just want to be free, and at the same time, terrified of being on my own once I graduate. I’ve never had the support to teach me how to be on my own. I just don’t know so many things that i really need to know. My depression is getting bad again… It feels like every time it gets quiet, I just lose all my feelings in a way. I just shut my self off and go numb. I don’t want to be numb, but I don’t know how to fix it. I see a therapist, but I honestly think that at this point I only go to see her because she’s familiar, and because I trust her. But I don’t think anything she says actually helps me anymore except for me being able to vent to someone. She tells me to meditate, to take breaths, to do spiritual things since I’m an Omnist and don’t specifically dedicate myself to a god. But at the same time, i don’t know what I believe in spiritually either. I just… Don’t know what to believe in. I don’t even believe in myself. I have severe sleeping problems, and she says its my body trying to recover from my stresses. i know that, but it’s really hurting me in the long run. I’m missing school, being severely late, and getting detentions for it. Even though my school knows about all of my medical problems, which is completely bogus. Honestly, all my high school cares about is how the students represent them. They tried kicking me out last year to send me to a ‘bad kid’ school because of my sleeping problems. Its bogus. A kid shouldn’t have to walk down the hall and see a vice principle standing five feet away from a fight and not saying anything. I honestly think my high school administers are spineless. Most of them anyway. There’s just so much bad, so I don’t know how to believe in the good I think. I don’t know…

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