I can't remember if I mentioned this or not but that guy finally added me and so now I know that he is, in fact, taken.

Ever since my feelings shifted, I've been wanting to cry more. Actually, I have been crying more. It's beyond stupid, way beyond it, and I don't know what is wrong. I know I was told that I have depression but I wasn't crying this bad before. I mean, it's not the end of the world crying but I feel like crying about once or twice a day now. I'm even crying now, it just kinda hits me.

I guess I feel…inferior. I want to get up and do something, bury myself in something productive, but I keep using the weather as an excuse. I hate snow. I hate the freezing cold.

I have to drive home tomorrow and I don't feel like it. I'm afraid to look for a job, I'm unmotivated. When I work out I get bored and stop way too soon. I pace a lot but I don't think it helps. I listen to music for at least an hour a day and daydream almost all day about alternate scenarios/lives/etc. that would make me happier. I dream about who I want to be and wonder how to get there and then don't take even one step in the right direction.

So tonight I'm going to attempt to do at least several of the following: work out, clean my room back up (it's not bad and I want to keep it that way this time), watch a new movie, study italian, read up on DJing, practice guitar. I'm starting with the DJing thing because it's something my ex enjoys so I'm curious about it. He and I have been getting along pretty good since we came to something of an understanding and I've been getting into that type of music lately so maybe it'll be something I'm good at.