Still I wish dead was one of the selections for moods on here. Depressed isn't even a choice. So how does my day begin? Well, I woke up with a migraine and really bad stomach cramps, but I still had to babysit my nephew. Everything was fine except that I felt bad. Well my dad wakes up at 5pm. He starts yelling at me because my nephew hasn't been outside. He said he didn't give a damn (pardon language) about how I felt. He said that he is going to find another babysitter and throw me out. He also told me that he didn't care if I was dead, no one cared if I died right now, that he didn't even love me. He then said the only reason I'm living here is because it is out of the goodness of his heart. THen he gives me three minutes to wake my nephew and take him outside. After that he starts a fight with my brother, threatens to hit him and stuff. Well my brother challenged him to do it. He didn't, at least I don't think he did. I was outside apologizing to my nephew for letting him be born into this wretched world. We stayed outside until dark. I hid in the bathroom until dad called us out. I know this is a load of BS because he says "We are going to sit down after my shower and talk like adults, so if you have anything to say you better say it." He never listened to me before now so what makes now any different? Then he tries to say he loves me, and that I may not care about my life but he does. It is all lies. All of it. He hates me and always has. Ever since I went outside after hearing all that from my own father's mouth I wanted nothing more than to die. I keep thinking of ways to do it but I haven't the courage. I'm just a coward so i've resorted to asking whatever higher power there is to please please stop this torture and take me from this place. I hid in the bathroom after dad called me back out. Well my mom says I can't hide in there forever. I wanted to say to her oh but you can hide in your room forever with your WoW game? This is no life I wish upon anyone.
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I'm sorry. I really shouldn't think about that kind of stuff, or voice it… especially on here.
Thank you… I'll probably feel a bit better tomorrow after a goodnight's sleep. My dad never did talk to me tonight. I'm hoping he won't which means I need to go to sleep soon because I can't deal with anymore lies. What's said is said. 🙁
Hugs to Sevi and Owl, I really appreciate your kindness.