It’s now 10.05PM here, and I actually DID things today. I did the dishes AND made dinner. For me this is a big achievement, so you’d think id be feeling good right??? well i’m not. It just kind of reminded me of how much i don’t do during these long days. I really am just wasting my life away. To make things worse, i just don’t have the energy or will power to change it.

For some reason I have been thinking about Shakespear today. I don’t know why, but for some strange reason old Shakepearan speeches and parts are going around in my head. I did a bit of Shakepear when i was in school, and i was one of the few in the class that actually liked it. I found it beautiful. The main monologue that I have been thinking about is the "To be or not to be" Speech from Hamlet. Its such a powerful speech and it somewhat speaks to me.

 To be, or not to be: that is the question:
Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, ’tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish’d. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there’s the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there’s the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor’s wrong, the proud man’s contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law’s delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscover’d country from whose bourn
No traveller returns, puzzles the will
And makes us rather bear those ills we have
Than fly to others that we know not of?
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all;
And thus the native hue of resolution
Is sicklied o’er with the pale cast of thought,
And enterprises of great pith and moment
With this regard their currents turn awry,
And lose the name of action. – Soft you now!
The fair Ophelia! Nymph, in thy orisons
Be all my sins remember’d

I seen this speech done by a man in a the play at the theatre, it was soo moving. It seems like my life is jut this whole "to be or not to be". should i? Should i not? I’m so thankful that Shakespear wrote these amazing monologues. When you hear speeches like that, its got to make you wonder,was he going through depression? To be able to speak of death and life so well. He must have gone through something at one point.

Wow, the crickets have come out!, you really know its summer when they come out. I can hear them outside of my window. I hope they don’t jump in. I can’t stand creepy crawly things.

Well thats all i have to say right now. May write again later.