Things are kind of better and kind of not.

I had therapy on Tuesday which was exhausting and enlightening.  I left very tired but feeling more optimistic than I have in recent days.  I decided I would talk with my husband about doing something once in a while, just the 2 of us, to keep my mind off things.  Well, he did not want to talk, refused to talk and pleaded with me not to talk to him.  he said I am blaming him for everything and that I expect him to fix me or make me feel better.

That is not what I want nor what I expect.  Since he wouldnt talk, we both went to bed angry and Wednesday was another bad day.  Last night, we did talk, and it was totally the Men are from Mars Women are from Venus thing.  He started by just defending himself his actions, telling me he has a tough job and that I cant expect him to change me.  I tried to start talkng several times but he would interrupt and again defend himself.  Finally I asked him to at least let me get my thoughts out.  I told him no, I do not nor did I ever expect him to make me happy, and that I know that I am the only one who has the ability to do this.  I told him I am not blaming him and I never did.  I told him I just need a little help from him while I go through this rough spot that I am struggling with right now.  I told him I know God sent him to me because he knew that Tom was what I needed.  And that I am blessed to have him.  I told him I am not asking for a huge commitment or every night event, just once in a while to do something out of the norm.  I apologized for crying while I spoke, but sometimes us emotional women just cant stop those darn tears.  I told him that I love him still but after 27 years those feelings are not always as strong as they were in the beginning.   

He would not say anything else after I was done, since I had asked him to be quiet and just listen for a bit.  We did agree to go for a wine run this Saturday.  I think part of his struggle is maybe because up until now we have never really talked when we disagree.  We would both become quiet and then act as if nothing happened the next day. 

I am signing up for a new group "Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy" at the suggestion of my counselor.  It is a reasearch based intervention  that involves meditation, yoga, body scan and breathing excercises.  I will keep you posted on this.  I am optimistic about it.

Hope you are having an okay day.  Prayers and hugs, Patty

 

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