Gee my moods change so quickly. I have been noticing it more and more of late. I feel sorry for anyone that talks to me. One moment i’m totally hyper.. the next i’m feeling so low again. I really don’t understand it.
I had a few drinks last night. I wasn’t drunk by any stretch, maybe slightly tipsy but thats about it. When I first logged on, i was feeling so/so… I was able to talk to one of my best friends on msn last night. Gee I have missed her. We havn’t spoke in a while… and wow .. she is doing soo well, and I am SOOO happy that she is getting/got her life back. Just talking to her brought a smile on my face, and to make it better.. it was a genuine smile. This brought me into a very hyper mood. I felt like just running around and dancing.. I felt on top of the world! I was able to crack a few jokes with friends. Again this is something that I haven’t been able to manage the last few weeks.
After a while i felt my mood slip.. and it fell fast. I just wanted to cry and give up. I was so angry and so sad. And it was all at myself. I was even about to cut myself again. I honestly don’t know what comes over me. I get these impulses that just drive me to do something.. These mood swings that take me from opposite ends of the mood spectrum leaving me not knowing how i’m going to feel in an hour or so’s time. It’s stupid and it makes no sence.I wish I could understand how my brain works sometimes.
Today.. I have been SO lazy. I have litterally spent all but about an hour in bed watching episodes of the first season of the TV show "Third Watch". I remember watching this show alot when it was on. I’m about half way through the season. I was going to go out and get my new laptop off of layby, but I was simply too lazy to even get out of bed.
I have had alot of nurofen plus today. I think In total i would have had about 16 tablets. I have had bad cramps today, and its awful. Not to mention that my knee has been a bit sore. I swear if these tablets didn’t taste so awful, and could be chewd it would be a WHOLE lot easier for me.
I’m still feeling a bit "up in the air" about getting help. I wish I would just get some sort of epiphany about all this. Maybe I could run into an epiph-a-tree like Homer Simpson did in the Simpsons Movie. Maybe then I might have some clarity about my next move.