It hurts me. It really does hurt me. It hurts me after spending a really good time with my family. It reminds me that this won’t be the same. It’s all fake. Everything. Their real selves are so different from what they show to the outside world. Their true intentions are bad and selfish. I love to imagine a world where my parent’s love me for who I am and not because they want something out of me. After each good moment I remember how within few years I will leave them forever for my good. My life will be so much happier after that. I will feel like a heavy object has been lifted from my heart. I will feel free and truly happy for the first time. But it still hurts. That I won’t have parents, its not like I ever had really. Its those rare moments which makes me feel I have a normal family just for those few seconds but its all fake, just a act for the outside world. I try so hard to avoid these good moments but I just can’t. And I know this will hurt me so much. So fucking much. I will never have a family like all others. I will never have a family who I can trust, who loves me for being me, who respects my boundaries and makes me feel better. It makes me angry.

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