Hi. I’m 16, and I’m scared to be on this site. This is my first “blog” though I see it as a diary or journal where people can relate. Relating with addiction to starving.
also, I’m 5 foot 5 inches and 120 pounds. Fat I know..
so I’m not eating. At all. And if I am I’m throwing it up. I haven’t ate in 2 days, and when I did eat -If you can call it that- my Dad was shoving some nasty nutrition shake down my throat because I’m “getting skinny.”
but when I look at my myself, all I fucking see is fat. You can’t see my ribs, or my hips, or my cheekbones. There not present ever second of my life and I feel incomplete for that reason. So I don’t eat.
It started off with me loving the hunger. I actually craved to feel the emptiness in my stomach. It made me feel light and skinny and free. I’m not kidding, and it wasn’t in my head. I didn’t tell myself “I love hunger” I just realized I did.
so back to whatever this is. I am addicted to feeling hunger, When I’m not starving and my stomach isn’t growling, I’m in physical and mental pain. Every time I hear my stomach begging for food, I feel amazing.
so now, I Love hunger, love starving, love feeling light, love disobeying my parents and throwing up what would of been lunch.
i don’t know what to do anymore. I just want to feel full, without hating it. And I to feel hungry, without loving it. Thank you xx I’m trying xx goodnight (oh yeah it’s 3:14am) xx (xx is kiss kiss.. I’m cheesy)