and i don’t mean small.. Even though I often wish that I was small. Tiny..

I mean the dr. The. Doctor.The Psychaitrist. I have an appt on Monday. This appointment has taken since AUGUST! to get here. A few days ago I would have told you that I don’t need to see a shrink. And now I don’t know what to think. I’m so tired of these ups and downs. I really am. Maybe he can make sence of me… then again how can someone make sence of me, when I can’t make sence of me? is it one of those things where you need an outside perspective? I wish I knew. I’m becoming really .. i’m not sure what the word is. I’m just feeling all over the shop right now. I’ve gone from so happy, making plans, cutting my hair.. doing alot of things "Spur of the moment" and now I look back at all of it and wonder if its just some bi-product of a sick mind… and now I’m sad, teary and not to mention ANGRY. I get so angry. I’m not one to really show my anger. I usually keep my opinions to myself, but the last few days i’ve been realy angry and having all sorts of outbursts. Its stupid.. yet its real.

I’ve stayed inside all day. Mostly cause of the miserable weather outside. Raining all day. I’ve hardly left my room, and when my sister wanted to play a boardgame, I tried to avoid it at all costs. I ended up leaving my room and doing some ironing. For some reason I really like it. Its something that I like doing. It relaxes me. I get my ipod listen to some music, and iron. I got most of it done too. I feel like I can just get lost in my own world when ironing. I get really pedantic about it too. If there are any creases I go over and over it until there are none. I guess you could call it my little OCD thing.

This weather is so depressing, I’m really looking forward to the move in January/febuary. At least there is sunshine there. I kinda feel like Bella from Twilight, but instead of moving To the Rainy area, i’ll be leaving it. Bring on some sun.. PLEASE!