My other half is asleep on the sofa, snoring behind me. My 3 month old baby is asleep upstairs. I am having a wee tipple, and am feeling a bit frustrated and lonely.

Recently I tackled my OH about him being controlling. I also don't like the way he talks to my daughter who is 5 and a half. He talks down to her, and I have always bouyed her and him. He admitted he has anger issues and has agreed to seek counselling. He has yet to apologise to her, but I wont push this until he has an appointment.

I was in a controlling, emotionally abusive relationship when I had my daughter. I was actually on here after as BoogieBD but send me my old password. I had the year before I met my girl's dad been raped by two men, one of whom was a policeman. It made it very hard to trust. I overcame alot of that, though, and stayed single for a long time because I wanted to be ready, and be with the right chap. I love my other half (we are engaged) but I have recently realised that I have fallen into old habits and he is a bit controlling. It is nothing on the scale of my ex – my current partner does not put me down and is often very kind. But he would like to prevent me from browsing in the same shops as him on him – today i told him I was, and that was that, which was v empowering. He did sneak up to see what I was doing – I saw it in the little mirror, and snuck off after. I don't like it – it's invasive. But his temper bothers me most. He doesn't punch things (or do that and say he is doing it in place of hitting me) like my ex, but he shouts everytuime I raise a contecious issue, and will keep shouting. I am very laid-back and very easy to talk to. This is why I have such a low tolerance for that kind of behaviour – fair enough it it were hard for him to get his views accross. But | always listen, and I always think first and act later.

He has acne, he has put on alot of weight, and he has bad IBS so I don';t think he feels very good about himself. I find himv sex – when he isn't being rude or domineering. His mum also left him at age 14 to move to the USA and he has serious abandonment issues. Many of his ex's have acting carelessly of his feelings, or cheated on him. I am nothing like that. I understand his fears, but I am starting to feel claustrophobic.

Today I dyed my hair blonde. It really suits me, and he has wanted me to for a while after I told him I was blonde before we met. He likes it alot, but already I can see and feel him unhappy about me looking nice. I got alot of appreciative looks at the shop this evening, and it stressed me out because I was thinking, Oh God, What is he going to be like when he sees that?

He is a lovely man. He is so thoughtful and compassionate in many ways. He has agreed to go to anger management, which is good. But I find living with him at the moment very stressful. It really was easier being a single mum! And that is no picnic, let me tell you. 🙁

1 Comment
  1. JipCJeanne 10 years ago

     Hi There,

    I have to tell you, I related to a lot of your story. I have recently seperated from my husband after a very short marriage. I should have taken more time to get to know him but I was in love with the idea of being in love. I found him changing me to suit his needs. I became so unhappy and very depressed about everthing. He didn't want me around friends or going anywhere by myself. I even had a hard time being alone with my kids. He took over being the parent even though he wasn't theirs. 

    It's very easy to keep yourself a victim once something you have been victimized. You need to break the cycle as soon as you can. No matter how much you love him, you need to love your children and yourself first before you love him. He is a grown adult and needs to take care of himself. He has to want to change to make the change.

    Follow your instincts! If you think and know something is wrong then get out! Don't wait for something to happen that can't be fixed.

    I was a single parent for 20 years, of 3 children. I know how hard it is but, You will find someone that can bring peace and harmony into the house. Make you feel loved and safe and not unfamiliar and scared, always on edge. That's not a life to live for you or your children.

    I wish you the best!


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