life goes on even if you are stuck, i want to move on but i dont know how to. i dont speak to anyone about myself anymore. i always speak about movies or series or games, but i feel unimportant to anyone. my familie, friends i feel so empty. i am frustrated that i am stuck doing nothing for years now, doctors never cared in the country apparently all of them, they only care about wounds or disieses that can be fatal. my sister filed a complaint a year ago, about how the doctor said "just be happy" they did not see any problem with it. i feel helpless hopeless lifeless. i can only see one thing i look forward to, death. i am tired of not able to find reason, motivation nobody cant see my problem. i see it as a big problem but nothing to do, i dont want this life. i wish i could give it to someone so someone can benefit of life. i dont see how my life can get any better. "it will get better" "life is hard but hang on" "it is just a period" i am tired, i cant see anything moving on, only others. the depression is just getting alot worse, i cant socialize i cant talk or message people. i am not used to being a person, talking about feelings that are eating you up. i feel dying slowly, waiting for death to visit but never comes maybe he forgot about me like everybody. the worst thing to be forgotten by familie, not in person but that you are struggling and cant find motivation. i dont know i am tired of doubting and cant find a reason to move on, i cant find anything in life.
i hate this world, i hate myself, i hate people, i just hate living.
The road back is someone helping you change your behavior. Taking the first step is hard. I would say your first step is making a list of all the things that work for you. For instance you aren't in a ventillator, so I am gratefor for being able to breathe on my own. I am grateful I can go to the bathroom on my own. I am grateful that I can feed myself.I am grateful there is daylight every day. I am grateful that the earth does its thing every rotation and revolution.and on and on. First step is finding appreciation for your life. Second buy a big stuffed animal and when you feel lost an empty, go to your room and give it a big hug. Aloud say I love me. The road to changing behavior is a steep one. It will not happen without your effort. As you behavior and attitude change, you will be back on the road of thriving.