Really there should be a place on your mood to say Suicidal or Crappy or close to the brink, or something other than these lousy choices!!
So today I did the hardest thing I have ever had to do to this point in my life! I faced the woman who has been the one to give me life and the one who I feel at times was the one chocking that life from me.
I told her about the secrets, about the life she supposedly never knew about, about the baby her husband was to father, about the people he made me have sex with before I was 14, about the children he had me have sex with while he watched when we were all 7,8,9,10. None of us knowing what we were doing, I only knew that my stomach always hurt and it made my down there feel funny.
I told her, I wanted my sister there. So I would only have to say this once but it could not be. I told her about my DID, or multiple personalities, I told her about Pat,(M) Susan(F), Kim,(F) Sam (F), Sara (F), the Nasty one (M), I told her about the woman who took me to the dr. after I lost the baby and she told me the woman’s name and told me that she was his mistress.
All this time she knew things about this man and this is the comment that breaks my heart and now my spirit and I think my will… “You are sick, He was sick, Are you as sick as him?" No I'm sure he was sicker than you, Right?" Ohh and have I mentioned that the "him" was my father and the "she" is my mother?
I just revealed to my mother that my father molested me, got me pregnant, made me have sex with neighborhood kids while he watched, I lost the baby and a strange woman said she was my mom to a strange doctor and all she could do was compare how sick i was to how sick he was.
Your damn right he was sick, but I have my illness because of him not because I choose to hurt little kids!!.
I just want and feel like dying I took my meds tonight just to stay calm enough to not crack!!!