As if they couldn't get ANY worse… they do.
My soon to be sister-in-law is about to have a miscarriage. We have NO money. We are actually in the negative in the bank account. My brother accidentally sliced his arm pretty bad at work today, 20+ stitches. And I missed my doctor's appointment with my psych doctor today because I rushed to the hospital to be with him, I have one with my primary tomorrow because something is wrong with my foot, don't know what… And I can't do anything for myself to even TRY and feel better because I don't have a penny to my name. My fiance loves me, I know he does, but I feel like I can't let anyone know how far gone I am mentally because no one, absolutely NO ONE, in my family needs one more bomb dropped on them. We are wallowing in pure shit on Earth, and if anything else could go wrong, I don't know what it could be, because NOTHING is right anymore.
I am seriously considering what to do… I don't want to go to the hospital, but I feel I have really hit rock bottom and, if I don't, I'm going to end up hurt or worse. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. I can't take it anymore. My mind is simply not working in the real world anymore, mainly because I feel like I have no reason to be here anymore. I feel like I am some higher power's fuck toy, like the ants that some sadistic kid burns with a magnifying glass just to see how long it takes them to die… that's me, and the higher power is holding the magnifying glass, burning me bit by fucking bit, just to see how much I can take….
Well, I've come to my breaking point. I want to pick up everything within my reach and just throw it, break it… I can't do it anymore, and I know I've said that a million and one times, but this is absolutely it. If something doesn't happen soon, I'm going to crack and never return to reality. And ya know, that really doesn't sound like such a bad idea anymore.