So confused and upset right now. I am on good terms with K, but I feel miserable. I used to hate a certain baseball team because it's K's favorite team. K is always wearing their t-shirts and when we were together used to have a ballcap. He is a HUGE fan. So tonight when the team won and is about to advance to the next series, I was so angry, so upset, I was almost crying. My dad is excited because he's going to the game tomorrow and I almost made him mad carrying on about how angry I am that they won.

But WHY am I angry? K has been nice to me. He's been my friend. We were together twice this summer and I never thought I'd see him again, let alone have him in my bed… So why why why am I so FURIOUS that his team is winning? It just reminds me of what a loser I am or that K does not want me for a girlfriend. It upsets me so much and reminds me of how he doesn't really love me. I FUCKING HATE HIS TEAM and i hope they lose, but they look unstoppable now and will probably win the World Series. This is killing me. I just want to cry and shoot myself.

I didn't fire my therapist. She fucken got me to go back to her. She is manipulative. I have another phone session with her tomorrow. I doubt it will do any good. It won't. She just keeps telling me what I need to do and what I don't need to do which I am already well aware of. I am so distraught with my feelings right now, I just want to tell her to fuck off, she is not helping me, and my mom was MAD when I told her I have another session. She WANTED me to stop seeing her because she thinks she does no good.

UGH I just want to drink myself to sleep but the horrible irony there is drinking does not make me sleep it just makes me even more restless and crazy.