Sorry about my last blog note to self do not write during the bad chronic depression periods. I want to describe these because maybe it will help me. There are many ways i can describe it but here i a good one. Imagine a person that hates you that always thinks your bad horrible etc. Well usually if you are with others you can ignore him/her for the most part but if you are alone with them then they can really get to you. Now imagine that person is in your head and is telling you it all the time. Its not scizophenia but those thoughts from this person is still there. While it is not a seperate personality it still feels like someone else is saying it. When you are alone especially when you are trying to sleep phrases like you suck go in your head over and over. Often i will be walking from class and think aM i bad person or I suck even if there is no trigger, This causes your selfconfidence to be in the toilet and you just hate who you are and the kind of person you are . One example is one of my friends he said to another person after i left the room, "We need more people like Royce in the world" and instead of feeling good i thought that the world would a horrible horrible place. Another example is I broke the frame around my glasses a few days ago and instead of thinking Oh no or Dang it i thought of course you did that. You suck and you deserve to die. I also think quite often that I dont deserve to go this good of a school and also think that I stole someone's spot because they only accept around 50% as unreasonable as that sounds. One time on here, I try and comment on other blogs in order to help if i can butinstead of thinking maybe im helping someone im thinkingthat im a hypocrite and Idont deserve to be on here.If anyone else feels like this i am sorry because it truly is one of the worst things. Sorry about my blogs being sad the past few ones but i need somewhere i vent and describe my problems

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