oik first of all to all of you that tell me it isnt my faul, it is. that is great of you believe it isnt and can deal with it that way, but it is my fault. i tried telling my parents how bad it is not only do that not understand they just make fun of me. they told me if i could figure it out i could go see a therapist so i tried and had an appointment for today and call up the damn insurance and they dont accept that office of the guys but do accept a different office location. ok well he isnt open to new clients at the other office. i dont understand why it is so difficult to even try to make an appointment, and my parents wont help because they dont think its necessary and think im just being selfish. so not only do i have to live with this my entire life it only gets worse not better and i am so tired of fighting it.

then to top it off i have a lot of health issues going on right now, so my parents wanted me to make an appt with my dr so i did but you know what because i have ocd my dr automatically thinks im a hypochondriac and no matter what i say he doesnt listen to a word i say becuase im making it up. well i hate going to the drs, i hate it so much i have a panic attack each time i have to go, i wait to go until im really sick and i dont want to go to be told im making it all up that its in my head.

no one understands, i dont understand. i dont understand why i have to be alive when i am so miserable and make everyone else around me miserable