I am forever wondering if there will ever be a day my OCD doesn\’t run my life. I mean, really, at this point it feels like my OCD is some evil stepmother telling me what to do. And, of course, I always listen.
My OCD has convinced me on several occasions to just stay away from the whole idea of \’love\’. Every time I feel that I\’m starting to have feelings for someone, my OCD comes up with a millions reasons not to go through with it. It\’s mentally exhausting. I\’m miserable. I know it sounds soooo cliche, but how am I supposed to be happy if I can never experience love? I know you\’re always supposed to \”love yourself\” before you ever fall in love with anybody else, and I do. I\’m just afraid once people find out that I have OCD, they won\’t love me. At this point, it feels like I will be living alone for the rest of my life. I love throwing all I have into my studies, but nothing can beat having someone to come home to every night. Or even just someone to talk to.
I think of the many years before I was diagnosed with OCD and all I can feel is sad. There have been many parts of my life that I have been TRULY happy. None of those parts have happened since I was diagnosed with OCD almost two years ago, though. I took my state of mental health for granted all my life. And there\’s nothing I regret more.
I want to meet people like the ones on here that have OCD. I want to be able to have someone in my life to relate to. I just don\’t want to feel alone anymore. I am longing for the days when happiness wasn\’t some unknown word.
Catch up soon,