well i have been really good for a while but recently things have gone down hill and i dont know what part of my life to work on first, currently i have my mum pressuring meto have kids but this wont happen because my husband dose not want any and there are alot of health issues surrounding me and having a baby but wheni say this to her she says that i will be fine and i can if i want to and she tells me i should go off my birth controll and not tell my husband and get pregnant when i point out that it will cause problems in our marrige she says i should live with her (shes a good mum, pls dont judge her) i want to tell her to leave me alone and she should listen to me but im scared upsetting her and it also dosent help that all my friends have / having kids and i probably wont ever have one of my own but my a part of my still holds on to the hope it might happen one day but deep down i know it wont and it kills me inside and to add to this i now dont have a job so i feel useless and depressed and i have recently gained weight and its making me sad and im struggeling to get rid of the weight.

good thingsare going to happen in my life but these things wont happen till i get off my bum and do things but becuse i feel useless and depressed i think that ill fail and i dont want to fail so i dont try and then i get more depressed buecause im letting the depression get the better of me.

i dont mind if no one comments on this ijust feel a little better for venting