I need to forgive my husband but I can't bring myself to. These feelings of hate every time his ex sends him a message kills me more and more on the inside each time. I have never been the one to hate. I grew up taught you do not hate you just severally dislike. Well I HATE my step-daughter's mom. When I say HATE I mean HATE. I wish I could not wish ill on this woman but I do. I think the hate for her and sometimes even my husband is killing me inside. To the point I am going to be full of hate to everyone but my daughter. It is a virus inside me and I just can't get rid of it. And I never will even if I were to ever leave my husband. I can't imagine a life with him and I can't imagine a life with out him. This is a once a month battle for me. Today just happens to be that day for me. Probably will happen again later this month. If only I could learn to forgive. I know I am the bigger person cause I don't talk crap to her daughter about her, like she does me. I know I have my husband and a job, unlike her who has a revolving door of men and only getting money from child support when she could work, but chooses not too. I know I am better, but I feel like I am worse. I feel that no matter what I do I am second place cause he had a child with her first, weather or not she tricked him. Weather or not he found out last year when she was 4. I will always be second place and it will always kill me when she calls or sends a message. I should just give up, but I can't cause of my daughter. Why did I get dealt this horrible hand of life.

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