So I went to the doctor this morning. I called because the pain was killing me and  I  was worried since I didnt know what was wrong. I got an opointment, to my surprise right, away. In a hour the doctor was checking my lungs, ears, throat and temperature after it my lungs were ok and I didnt had fever then anymore. I didn''t get anything for the pain so I supposed is not as bad as I thought. She said its like a virus and I have a throat and ear infection which explains the pain and burning up feeling. Ive been throwing up, getting headaches and pain in my tummy the whole day. She told me if by friday I still have the pain, specially the ear pain, to call in so I can start with antibiotics. Then she started with the whole speech about if I take the birth control pill and start taking antibiotics I should make sure to not have sexual relations without protection because with antibiotics the birth control pill is not save. In my mind I did know that but look at me do I look like I could even have a bf. But she was just doing her job, that was just my depressive thinking…

…after that I came home to sleep and took some paracetamol and strepsils. 2 hours past by and I had to go to my apointment with the schoolcounselour. Im kind of glad I did go and didnt spend the whole day in bed. It was hard since I was very sick but I guess it could have been worse. I got good news at school which made me feel I didnt go all the way there in the snow for nothing. I was freezing.

Im excited to continue with this course eventhough its not on the same high level. I realise there is nothing wrong with starting at the bottom and I shouldn''t be ashamed that I can''t deal with HBO right now. The important thing is that I do something thats not too hard for me where the chances to fail is bigger because it wouldn''t help with my depression. I will be done with school earlier than I expected by doing this in MBO form and when and if I get better from all this I can always go back to school to do the HBO course. Since its the same course I would start in second year instead of first year.It''s never too late to go back to school and learn something new.

I''m still feeling very sick but because I did my best today and got some good news I feel more peacefull with myself.Maybe someday things will get better. I hope so. But until then, its a hard journey.