- Hi, im Kylee. I’m new here, and i’m a junior in High School. Ive had problems with anxiety since i was a kid but these past few months have been the worst for me. My dad left in July and i thought his leaving would make things better. But it seems like it’s just made me worse. These past few weeks especially, i have been very depressed. I have a hard time sleeping. I’m not eating as much as I should.. It’s difficult to get myself to eat. I constantly have these episodes where i just burst into tears and can’t stop crying, sometimes for no reason. I’ve had them daily for the past week and a half. It seems like i’m more calm and content at night, but during the day i’m just a mess. I’ve always had low self esteem but ive been so down on myself lately. If i make a minor mistake, i put myself down for it. I constantly compare myself to everyone else around me. I’ve always had straight a’s and b’s, but now my grades have slipped to just b’s. I try to get caught up with my work but i can’t even gather up enough energy to do that. I’m lacking motivation. Nothing seems to excite me anymore. It seems I can’t function like a normal human being. I can’t concentrate on anything. The racing thoughts are so overwhelming. I feel stupid, weak, pathetic, and worthless. I don’t havy any friends in school, i havent since freshman year. The people here resent me for some reason. I have my mom and my two sisters but i still feel so alone. I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know what i want out of life. I don’t feel like i serve any real purpose anymore. Just typing this drains me. I feel sort-of hopeless. My mom is the only thing keeping me going. I need help…
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Kylee, my heart breaks for you. I have experienced many of the same feelings in my life. When my husband died, I didn’t eat, couldn’t stop crying and spent a lot of time staring blindly at the TV. I did join an in-person support group. Talking to others going through the same thing was good for me. One other thing that helped me was a gratitude journal. I know that it sounds corny. I thought so too. Before I went to sleep each night, I wrote down some good things that happened to me. In the beginning, some days all I could write was “It didn’t rain today.” Gradually, it helped shift my thinking. It’s OK that you don’t know what you want to do with your life. You are young, and now is the time to figure out what makes you happy. You have plenty of time. I do have a question for you. Have you told your mom about how you’re feeling? You may want to lean on her a bit. Also, have you talked to anyone professionally, like your school guidance counselor or a therapist? It may help you to gain some outside perspective.
Take good care, BellaMarie
Kylee, ***Hugs***, BellaMarie makes some good points. You may just need an ‘outside source’ such as a therapist, to give you some perspective, and possibly even some meds to help with balance, or just some sort of supplements to your diet. i can also tell you, from my own personal experience, that at your age, you need to eat, even if you don’t feel like it. This could very well affect your day-to-day activities (or lack, thereof), and even have longer lasting results. i was messed-up, in high school, to say the least. i didn’t have a mother, anymore, and my father had already given up on ‘life,’ so i really had no one to lean on… i’m glad you have your mother and sisters, and i’m sure your mother wants to be there for you. You just might need to lean a bit more….or be a bit more direct about your need for help. As parents, we don’t always ‘see’ the issue, until it’s a doosey, so i’d just suggest having a talk with her. Let her know what’s going on in your life and how you’re feeling. She might very well be able to help you, too!
i hope you can truly find what you need and can get on a healthier track for yourself. Good luck!!!!