Today things are getting worse. I couldnt shake the feeling that everything was getting worse. I could feel this anger building up inside of me and i just couldnt control it. I couldnt be bother to be the conciencious one who always thought about what should be happening and keeping on top of the ball. I just wanted a break. I wanted the others to pick up the slack. I wanted the others to pull their weight and play their part. The meditation did work to put me in a better frame of mind yesterday, but it only lasted as long as things were going ok. Once they started to go downhill it was a waste of time. Yesterday the feeling of being overlooked just kept growing. It was so bad that people were talking over me and ignoring me!!! How rude is that? I couldnt believe it!!! I was so flabbergasted i didnt even know how to deal with the situation!!! Thankfully one of the other guys there helped me with the first one when it was the kids from the youth group that I help out with being rude. But the next time it was the adult staff!!!! And my own partner!!!! What a c***!!!! I was soooooo angry and let down I just walked out of the building, didnt event bother to say goodnight to them. I am just so sick and tired of being treated like a door mat. I am sooo sick and tired of people thinking its ok to treat me the way they do!!! All i want is a little respect. There are other things peeing me off too right now with the bf. Last night I couldnt even bring myself to talk to him i was so angry. I ignored him the entire way home. When i got in I went straight to the punch bag and started punching crap out of it. I then ignored himuntil i went to bed. Things this morning werent much better. I dont suppose it matters any more. I had such a bad nights sleep, and I just couldnt get out of bed for work this morning. I managed to get washed and dressed and in the car, but by the time I washalf way down the road,I was already too late. so i just turned around and came back. I dont really know what to say to my manager. It is only my second week and I have already missed a shift!!! I cant let this keep happening, although i am not enitrely sure that i want to stay there. The manager is being a complete b**** to me, she tries to show me up and humiliate me every time i am in work, and she always makes sure it is in front of everyone. I think this is where the feeling of being a door mat and not beingappreciated started from – i was working my ass off in there – although i am not sure why, and no one seemed to recognise it! I dont really care any more, I just dont want to feel like crap.

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