Writing blogs….is really frustrating to me, since i keep inadvertently erasing them!!!!!!!!  ARRRGGGHHH!

woooooooooooooooooooosssssssssssssssssssssssssaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!

Aight, let’s try this one more….’gain.  It’s a lil after 8am, and i feel like my day’s been constantly going, since yesterday!!!  Yes, i did go to bed and try to sleep.  But, Marty kept waking me up, since his anxiety level has been so high, waiting to start a job or two jobs–whichever it winds up being.  *sigh  So, i’m tuckered-out!  Oh well….that hasn’t held me down, yet…..  Needless to say, he’s gone to an orientation for one of those jobs.  So, i can almost breathe for a lil bit…..maybe.                                                               Yesterday was somethin else!!!  A mixed bag of fruit loops, i suppose.  After getting my morning routine/chores done, and getting ready, i went to my appointment.  Since i was a bit early–generally am, or try to be–i read a few pages in a book and watched people, kinda.  The nurse who took my vitals chatted with me for a few minutes, before leaving the room in a very positive way–laughing.  And, when i was with my primary care practitioner, we chatted and she did her normal checks, and we laughed a lil, too.  Before i left, i chatted with another lady at the front, regarding possible financial aide, to help with my medical billing.  She really has a funny attitude, so it’s pleasant to deal with her.  When she told me she would let me know, and we were finished, i walked out to meet one of the buses, and the actual time was just about perfect–although i had to wait, since the majority of the time, a bus doesn’t come exactly as scheduled, and that’s OK, too–but, i was kinda debating to myself, whether i wanted to stay gone for a bit longer, or come on home.  So i wouldn’t worry Marty, i came on home, and he met me when i got off the bus.  There was another person/guy who got off the bus, at the same time as i did, and he’d started a bit of a chat with me, while we were walking–he lives on the same road.  Long story short:  he’s the same guy who lives two doors down from us, and has a tendency to walk around outside–on his phone–in his underwear.  *sigh  And, he seemed a bit too interested in “if” i live on the same street he does.  So, Marty gave me a hug and a kiss, while we were walking and we came on in the apartment.  i told him what the guy’d said to me, and it definitely got Marty’s interest spooked a bit.  It was odd–i really must say.  OK….  Once i’m in the door, Marty thinks he’s gotta go get his bike serviced, right then.  So, he heads out for a few minutes and gets air in his tires, as well as a price for parts and labor, for the other issues he’s got with the bike.  When he comes back in, he asks if i’d make him some lunch.  OK…not a problem, right?  That’s not enough.  Because i wasn’t jumping up, right then, he goes on this tangent about how pitiful he feels and sickly, etc.  –which he’s NOT.  Instead of saying anything, i got up–yes, with a bit of an attitude, but i wanted to sit for a bit, and just chill–and went to the kitchen to make his food.  He’s continuing to pace back and forth, running his mouth, and raising his voice at me, telling me how i’m behaving and what i’m thinking.  Really????  *sigh  i finished his food without saying anything, and gave him the plate–not with an attitude, just handed him the plate, while he was still going off….  and then, i just kept walking, out the door.  He knows he’s triggering me, whenever he raises his voice at me, and behaves this way.  So, i can’t stay around it–i have to have a break from it, so i won’t react.  Simple–right?  Well, needless to say, instead of simply walking around a street or two and coming back, i stayed gone.  i’d remembered a lady i’d met at the laundry room, some months back, and we’d had a nice chat.  She’d invited me over.  Since i was on her street, i decided to knock.  She answered and invited me in and we sat down for a chat.  Well, after a lil bit, i got a bit of a need-to-go-home-feeling, that Marty might be worried.  i was putting her chair back at the table, when there was a knock on the door.  Yep, Marty.  And, he looked like he was fuming!  (See, it’s OK for him to walk away and stay gone for long periods of time, but not me….probably since i’d had that strange chat with our neighbor, as well as the amount of time i’d been gone, and with no way of his contacting me, since he didn’t know where i was.)  i get it….  It wasn’t my intention, but i am grown, too.  lol  So, again, Marty had to tell me how wrong i’d been for hurting him that way and how worried he was, since he had no idea where i was….oh, and not to mention the fact that he felt like he looked like an idiot, since he was knocking on doors, looking for me, and constantly thinking about the neighbor’s chat, while being overly concerned with what people were thinking. *sigh  i listened to him and didn’t say much of anything, for at least an hour.  And, he was still “reminding” me, when we went to bed.  smh….  oh well….on one hand, it’s sweet that he “cares,” but when he explained his level of concern to me, it was mainly to do with a) the weird neighbor and b) my disabilities.  Gee…thanks.  lol  i know he means well…i do.  Just….sometimes, i wish he’d stop before he speaks or reacts.  OUT OF MY CONTROL. 

So, it’s almost 9 and i’m trying to figure out what–if anything–i wanna get accomplished this morning.  Right now, i still wanna go back to bed.  lol  Oh well, i guess we’ll see how today goes.

 

2 Comments
  1. SullenGirl76 2 months ago

    Honestly, as justified as Marty’s concern may have been (given the earlier “chat” with the neighbor guy), he shouldn’t have reacted the way he did. Yes, maybe you should have texted him or something to let him know you were going to visit with someone, but he also shouldn’t have jumped to the wrong conclusion. Unless you’ve been giving him reasons to think another episode is imminent, he has no right to use that as a free pass to give you a guilt trip. He made the choice to go knocking on doors and, frankly, he shouldn’t be worrying about how it looked to others. Most people don’t give a second thought to that kind of stuff and the ones who do would find reasons to scrutinize even the most mundane of actions.

    And do NOT get me started about the sandwich thing. Are his arms broken? Does he lack opposable thumbs? Is he a customer and are you the waitress for the section he’s in? I cannot think of any other legitimate reason why the man can’t make his own freakin’ sandwich. LOL

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    delane1 2 months ago

    i hear what you’re sayin….it’s just that we only had one cell, between us, at the time, and when i’d left, it was mainly because of how he was behaving. i know, i should’ve either not been gone so long, or let him know i was maybe going to stop over at the other person’s place.
    Uhhhh….well….. As frustrating as it can be/is, Marty’s a bit of a different shade. Yeah, i also get “a lil common courtesy and respect goes a LONG way!!!” And, he knows that about me–especially with my own history. *sigh All i can really say at this point: let’s see how things go, this time–since he’s just begun the job. i know i have no control over him/his actions, but at the same time, he was a bit easier to handle when he WAS on his meds…..

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