I haven't been writing about my exciting work experiences. I apologize. No really. You should be thanking me. Do read if you need a soporific.

Day 1: Black Friday
They put me in Coats. Coats are fucking heavy. Also, black peacoats and black puffy coats all look the same and after 15 minutes of trying to match a stray coat to its rack, you too will give up and stick it any old place. I started earnestly wishing I wasn't too dumb for/too scared of grad school, because cushy desk job: I want you. I'm glad I was only there 4 hours.

Day 2:
I was off to a bad start. I left my chapstick and had to race to the CVS to buy an emergency one. If you saw my lips you would know emergency is no exaggeration. Then I realized I'd left my nametag. To top things off, it was raining and I was wearing flats. Wet feet ftw. Then I walked past the entrance and got confused. I have no sense of direction.
When I finally got there, I was sent to Accessories, which was nice and quiet compared to Coats and Junior's. There was pretty much nothing to do after my initial run through. After a while, I got bored and just paced around. I spotted Twilight board games and took a minute to engage in some dirty thoughts before resuming my pacing. As some point a manager came and asked me to set out some jewelery. I did that and was also particularly useless to customers who asked me any questions. I can't use the register and I have no idea where anything is. There is nothing I can do for them. My stint in the jewelry department was pretty short lived. The manager came to get me again and told me to go help out in the Junior's department. The Sales Racks from Hell and I were to meet again. I spent the rest of the night battling it. I particularly enjoyed the moment when this old woman came over and said it was a mess, as she threw a shirt on top of the pile. Thanks! Asshole. I wanted to stab her with a hanger.

Day 3:
The retail gods were against me, for I spent the whole day in the Junior's department. I thought I'd tackle the Sales Rack from Hell early on and was quite pleased with myself after I finished organizing it. Then I went to work on the Sales Dress Rack from Hell. Half an hour later I turned around and the rack I had just finished organizing, so neatly, looked like I'd never even touched it. I don't understand what kind of animals these people are. Would it really hurt to pick up something you've knocked down? I'm going to start putting up signs that say 'Every time you mess up a rack, Jesus stabs a kitten with a hanger.' I don't think management would approve though. The sweater section might be worse though. Everything looks the same and I have no idea where anything goes. I just started sticking things in random racks. In the end, who will know it was me and not an asshole old woman who did it.

I had today off, but I went to volunteering since I'd missed the last time due to having the flu. I also had to return a couple of shirts I'd bought for work that ended up not fitting. After going to the store I decided to walk the rest of the way downtown instead of taking the train. As usual, I felt like I was dying halfway there. When will I ever learn? There were new people starting at volunteering so we had one of those icebreaker things I always dread. We had to pick superpowers; mine was teleporting. I would get out more if I could teleport. I also have Thursday off and I plan on spending it sitting on my ass all day, listening to my audiobook and stitching on an eye, wearing my fluffy socks and wrapped in my fluffy blanket. How glorious that will be.


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