I start new classes today (yet again) and I just can't force myself to care. I've always taken things seriously in my life until recently. I see my world crumbling around me, and such silly things like these useless classes seem very unimportant to me right now. The thought of actually doing them, and doing well seems like more than I can handle right now. I don't know what to do. My whole life is messed up. I won't go into details because I don't like everyone knowing about my life, but just trust me when I say it's not in a good place right now. For one thing these classes actually require some thought, and I just can't do that right now. I'm unstable, on edge, and can't focus on even simple things. I've been making some dumb choices lately, and I just feel overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel here. I'm lonely, and overweight, and watching everyone around melive their lives while I'm slowly dying. I'm starting Slim Fast up again, though I'm not sure why I'm even wasting my time. My Mom is in bad health, which isn't new, but it bothers me a lot. I don't like watching people who I actually care about suffer. I'm just numb lately. I don't cry anymore. I don't even complain to people anymore. I just sit a lot. I think a lot, but it gets me nowhere. I'm like a doll. It's like I'm a hollow hell that's lacking a soul right now. I'm just here waiting, but not sure what I'm waiting for. I really don't want to drop out at this point since I'm so close to graduating, but I also don't think I can handle doing the work that's required right now. I also know I'll never marry since it's clear that no one wants me. Men only wanna use me, none want to simply love me. Really, I have nothing else to say. I'm empty.


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