i haven't written here in a while . Not because I was miraculously cured . But things have been "stable" for the most part. You know you have the odd day where you miss your meds and your a little on edge ect nothing major. Until today . I am currently in the midst of the worst panic attack I have had in years. Last night was our work Xmas party and working at the liquor store that obviously involves drinking and ohhhhh did I ever drink . But I danced a lot too lol we all went to a couple of clubs and at the last one I met a group of girls who were doing all these awesome dance moves (I sound like Napoleon dynamite but I swear I'm not a weirdo lol) anyways I asked the girls to teach me what they were doing and was dancing and having a good time I had ONE drink while I was at this particular bar…. I know I only had one because I only had enough money on me for ONE drink . Anyways the last thing I remember was hugging the girl who I was dancing with and telling her thanks and I remember getting my purse from one of the guys at work and my coat and then I can't remember anything until I was sitting in a cab in front of my apartment and had no money on me …. Calling my boyfriend and going to his place and him paying for my cab . I woke up at his house this morning still in my dress ….. And he had already left for work and right away I got a knot in my stomach and the anxiety started . I had drank a lot but not to the point where I would black out . The fack that I don't remember leaving the club and walking to get the cab scares the hell out of me and rationally I know nothing happened and I am totally fine but the fact that something bad could have happened had me rattled . I haven't been able to get the anxiety to subside . The only thing that has helped me stop shaking and my heart rate to go down has been writing this blog . I called and made an appointment to see my doctor next week and I think I'm going to start going to a psychologist regularly again . I kind of wonder if maybe that's an over reaction and how I feel today is just a by product of the alcohol last night but I never want to feel like this again . I'm always so put together and I'm the one everyone else goes to for help or to talk I'm not used to needing people or turning to people to help me and today when I realized rich was at work and so was everyone else . Maybe it's silly to have anxiety about " what could have happened " but I do. Sorry for ranting I just needed the ten minutes of relief that writing this gave me .

6 Comments
  1. telknit23 7 years ago

    It really can be a relief to put your problems into a blog, can’t it?  Especially here, where you know somebody reading is going to be able to relate. It would scare me, too, not to be able to remember.  For what it’s worth, I think going to therapy again is a good idea, maybe you just need a little”refresher” to help you get back on an even keel. 

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  2. mandy86 7 years ago

    Exactly and like I said the ten minutes or so it took me to write it took my mind off everything and I got a little peace 🙂 I definitely need to see someone I feel like even though I've been taking my meds and going through the motions of life I have just cast aside my OCD and anxiety as normal …. I still check things a bunch of times and I still excessively wash my hands I just don't get as upset with myself for doing it . It's not good to let everything build up to a point where I need to start going back to see someone it should be a regular thing every month at the least as routine maintenance of my issues

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  3. Reveiler 7 years ago

    Alcohol is biggest enemy of OCD. It worsens the OCD for few days and even more. Try to avoid it its not worth it 🙂 take care!

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  4. mandy86 7 years ago

    I know it does and too much definitely doesn't help. I don't drink very often but I feel now like I want to change that to I don't drink ever. A hang over is bad enough a hang over plus the guilt and anxiety makes it totally and completely not worth it . 

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  5. ocd_16 7 years ago

    Hey, so I randomly came across this blog and wanted to share an experience that I have had that sorta relates. If u're on a medication for ocd, ur bld. is already being "thinned" and ur liver is working to break down the medicine. Drinking alcohol can thin ur bld. even further, making u feel light-headed, dizzy, faint, etc. (all those typical drunken feelings w/o having enough alcohol to be considered "drunk"). Furthermore, I recently had an episode, cuz I too drink on rare occasions, n had 2 1/2 beers which is like nothing over a 5 hour period of time right? Well.. I went home to nap, woke up n felt like I was dying. Worst post-drinking moment ever to exist! I researched into it (I take lexapro) and discovered all these blogs of ppl.'s experiences on that medication with alcohol mixed. Moral to the story? I'm not gonna get myself in that again. Good luck on therapy if u do it! I don't particularly like therapy. Much rather blog when needed and reach out to friends that share ocd symptoms to talk with. But u gotta do wat works for u cuz ocd is a wretched beast.

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  6. Author
    mandy86 6 years ago

    Hey it taken a long time for this reply but I’ve had another incident since then where I had a few too many and ended up in the same place . Except this time it wasn’t just for a day or a couple of days . My anxiety stayed it was really really bad and it’s slowly gotten better but still not back to where I would like it which is non existent . I decided anything out side of one drink is probably not in my best interest .

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