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interersting morning…. on the way to work I wittnessed a suicide attempt. This man was sitting on a pillar on the edge of a highway bridge. The police were starting to block off the highway on both sides. there were more then 10 police cars…..a fire truck on both sides of the highway.i dont know if he jumped illfind out on the news later.the police waved me on thru the slow traffic as i passed up the scene all i could think of people probably saying how stupid he was and cursing him. as i passed up the scene the tears started flowing and i could not help to realize that i am where he is right now and i know how much it hurts when you want to die so bad and not care anymore. all you want is the pain to stop you dont want to die,,,,,anything to stop feeling like your stuck in the same circle. i dont know about this depression anymore…i have a therapy appointment today and i was suppose to find a physciatrist to get meds but the one my therapist referred me to didnt answer. not even a call back message…..i cantsay tht i have never attempted suicidebut when you do your anger takes over because you are so angrythat you cantfight it anymore everything goes numb and the most darkest feeling you willever have comes over you….and the most terrible thoughts come in your mind….its not a happy place to be…i ve stopped myself and from letting it get further then that……but im afraid if i hit bottom again i wont be so lucky. i promised my friend i wouldnt hurt myself but turn myself into a hopsital if i feel bad enough again instead. the guy wasabout 60 ft away from my car this morning as i drove by….i wish i cud of gotten down and talked to him…i dont know what i would of told him but tell him i know his pain and i feelhis sadness…….i feel sad for the guy is that normal? i dont even know him….

5 Comments
  1. borntired 9 years ago

    I think that many are in the same spot or have been there. I wasnt there a month ago. Still struggling through. It. could have been me a month ago. Go to therapy, get on meds and post here a lot so we can walk this road together.

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  2. Aswa 9 years ago

    What you felt is called EMPATHY and COMPASSION!

    Sadly in these times I don’t think it is the norm but it should be and is a wonderful, positive, generous thing.

    Try giving yourself some of what you felt for the guy on the bridge.

    Don’t give up hope. I know it is difficult when the system that is supposed to be helping you seems to ignore you or even worse block your attempts to get well again.

    Keep fighting JA, go to your therapist and tell him/her what happened with the psychiatrist you were referred to and more importantly how that made you feel. You belong in the light no matter how easy it seems to slip into the dark.

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  3. JA 9 years ago

    thank you all for your comments….they talked him down because i did not hear of a suicide death in the news…he made it another day……

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  4. Steph_jn 9 years ago

    Its a very good thing that you had compassion for that man.  (((((((((JA)))))))))).  I can understand your being scared of suicidal feelings.  I have been there as well and I know I cant "attempt".  I'd follow through.  Thats what scares me the most.  The thought that if I have a bad enough day, fall low enough……that I would actually take my life and it would destroy my husband and be impossible for my children to ever understand.  Scares the heck out of me.

    Keep on with your therapist.  Maybe she can give you two different referrals this time.  Call them both and I bet one or both call you back.  Dont give up!

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  5. livinghellangel 9 years ago

    While reading your blog i had tears in my eye..i totally relate to you and the person you saw, i would have wanted to do the same, talk to him…tell him he is not alone, and that some days it gets so bad that your brain shuts half down and the other half justifys the jump….swim…knife…rope..whatever…I hope he survived. Take care. Belle

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