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'2'
Yelling at me for barking.
I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!

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'3'
Taking me for a walk, then
not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?

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'4'
Any trick that involves balancing
food on my nose. Stop it!

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'5'
Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons.
Now you know why we chew your stuff
up when you're not home.

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'6'
The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw.
You fooled a dog! Whoooo Hoooooooo what
a proud moment for the top of the food chain.

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'7'
Taking me to the vet for 'the big snip',
then acting surprised when I freak
out every time we go back!

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'8'
Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests.
Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.

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'9'
Dog sweaters. Hello ???
Haven't you noticed the fur?

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'10'
How you act disgusted when I lick myself.
Look, we both know the truth. You're just jealous.