Well it was as is said "too good to be true." Both of my siblings talking to each other and me; no one with their nose out of joint or feelings hurt…That has never lasted long in my family so maybe that's why I'm not all that surprised…

My older brother is 57 years old and god help us all has discovered the internet. If you remember any of my previous blogs, you'll recall that his wife has been using the internet to snoop into family members private lives in the past. She had uncovered an unsavory tidbit of information about my sisters husband with whom she had some ax to grind for years. My brother approached me with this nasty bit of info, assuming that I would run straight to my sister and spill the beans…Not so….My sisters husband died with little warning last November and I will go to the grave without telling her what I know…..So much for being the fall guy for someone elses vendetta.

Fast forward from the last 6 months to last week….My sister in law does a criminal backgroud check on MY PARTNER of nearly 10 years and MYSELF.  Again, my borther spilled the beans to me, explaning that his wife "was concerned about close family members being possible PEDOPHILES and being around their grandchildren…Yepp …let me repeat that….She wanted to make sure that her husbands gay bother and his long-time parntner weren't frikkin child molesters!  she explaned that she has read an article (on the internet so you know it was accurate!)  that said that most pedos were actually close friends or family members…I replied " well you should KNOW, being from Alabama and with 12 siblings." (SMACK DOWN !  SCORE !!!  the crowd goes wild!!!)

All this latest bruha had died down and my Brother has been pushing me to come see my mom "while she sitll knows you." mom has Alzheimers disease and lives in an assisted living place in our hometown…Where as I DO want to see mom again before she dies…I can't really afford the airline ticker AND what it would cost for a hotel…Apparently, since leaving Florida 30 years ago, the sweet little "mom and pop motels" have gone the way of the dinosaur…only the big chain hotels remain.

SO….I had finally resolved to put on the Big Boy Pants, grit my teeth, button my LIPS, and stay with my brother and his viper….er  wife!

Over the last 6 months that my brother has "discovered" the internet, he has become increasingly enraptured with what I call E-CRAP….I have other names  for this stuff but that's the nicest one.  My sister sends a daily barrage of religous stuff that I've become accustomed to hitting the delete button on, but nothing comes close to the in-your-face-offensiveness of these things my brother sends…A few months ago he was whining to me that one of our nephews had put a total block on my borthers e-mails….Brother said to me: " Gee I wonder who Pi$$ed in his Cheerios?"….I wonder indeed…As cluless as ever, Brother Boy continued to send this garbage to he expanding list of net buds and relatives…most of them "good old boys" that he went to high school with and are still on par with this sort of mentality…Suffice to say that this material consists of the most BASE racial and political smearing…little of which would surprise most of you…

OK…last week, I went to open my email server and it took 20 MINUTES to download only 6 e-mails….Two of them were from Brother Boy and of course it was this trash that had clogged my server…

Upon opening one of them I was treated to 2 long racially and politicaly incendiary video clips intended to be funny. If you know me at all, you know that I'm anything BUT p.c. however there's a line that I don't think you cross nor should one assume that eveyone you know appreciates this kind of humor…

I had had ENOUGH….I sent a short but succint message to him saying " Brother, this kind of thing is beneath you. Dad would be so ashamed. It wastes my time and clogs my server. Please don't send me any more of this type of thing." Love, David……then I went to hit the "REPLY" button….but instead I hit "REPLY ALLl", sending my response to EVERYONE  that Brother Boy had sent his E-trash to……OOOOPS. my bad.

LOL….you would have thought that it was raning SH*t  and the weather channel had predicted sunshine!  within a few minites, he had shot me back a poison pen email which by the way, seems to be his forte. He said he was "SO sorry to have wasted my precious time" and that he had "forgotten how sensitive I was and that he would make sure NEVER to e-mail me again!"  I was thinking  " OH sweet Baby Jesus….PROMISE?"   …. Gee…..I wonder who Pi$$ed in his Cherrios?   I have a saying folks : "If you're gonna stir SH*t, you had better be prepared to get some of it on yourself !"

After my sister outed me as a teenager, I resolved never to be the passive agressive type and have always been the one to call it like I see it… In my younger days to my regret, I went overboard with this and hurt some people with my sharp tongue and lack of filters…Over the years , I've learned to edit myself and temper my outspokenness so as hurt as few feelings as possible while still maintaning my point of view…My family is notoriously passive-agressive and doesn't deal with my head-on approach!  They are "polite" southerners who only talk about you behind your back! . lol…..Gee I guess I lost my southern veneer somewhere along the way! Guess I traded in the "welome" mat for one that says " Don't tread on me!"  Awww. I sowwy.

I DID put on the Big Boy pants and called my bother to appologize to him but got his voice mail…I told him I was sorry for hurting his feelings but the appology may have seemed a bit disingenious as I was laughing while I left the voice mail. OOOPS.

M friend Vaugnn of nearly 30 years is a Big Hot Mess, but he always cuts to the chase and rarely fails to make me see the humor in the worst situations. After I shared the latest of my family dysfunction he just said in his most southern drawl  " Welllll….I sure hope you plan on pitchin' a tent when you go down to see your mama! "

LOL…..gotta  love that boy.

I'm still snickering a week later and Que Suppri :  no e-mails or return calls from Brother Boy…or any other family member for that matter. OOOPS.

  1. Bobby56 12 years ago

    I  have a tent you can borrow !!

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  2. Louie 12 years ago

    I"m right there with you when it comes to family drama.  I moved away over 10 years ago because the drama was getting deep.  Way deep!  A decade later, a rebellious sister, a horned up brother coming of age, and a baby sister who turned out to be a female version of myself and over 1500 miles between us – I'm still caught up in family drama that seems ridiculous when seen from a distance. 

    Still, I don't know what's worse – the fact the family's still including me in their drama, or that I can still piss off relatives from half a country away.


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