Thank you Red for your very warm welcome. Yes, I think I will be happy here. It's one thing to talk to the Therapist, but it really is anotherto speak to real people who are going through the same thing. There are no support groups in our community and I was beginning to feel really alone and I was beginning to think that I was the only one going through these emotions. I have always felt anxiety…but controlled anxiety (the healthy fight or flight type of anxiety) but it has gotten so much worse. When I took time off work, I was feeling so many physical symptoms, I really thought there something seriously wrong with me.
It began with heart palpitations that would last all day. I continued to exercise but to no avail. Then my palpitations would last all day all night, to the point I could not sleep anymore. At work, I was getting hot flashes, light headed, felt disoriented, etc. I also began developping hives all over my body. Finally, feeling beaten, I saw my physician. Prior to giving me a diagnosis of anxiety, she had do blood work, a heart test, etc. When all came back normal, she said I was suffering from generalized anxiety disorder. Wow! My world came crashing down. Don't get me wrong…I have this anxiety about illness, it could have been worse (as many people told me) but at least I had a word to what I felt. My anxiety controlled me last summer, fall, literally. I had to sit my family down and explain what I was feeling. They were understanding to a certain point. I guess if a person doesn't know what it feels like, they just couldn't understand. I am currently on medication, and am back at work after a 3 month leave. Things are crazy again, just like they were before.
I carry alot of guilt all the time. I'm always thinking I could do better. Why I think that I cannot say as I have never been told that I could do better. It's always "great job" "great this" "thanks Mom", etc. So why the guilt. Guilt can eat a person up, make them physically sick. Does anyone else feel severe physical symptoms when anxious?
Thank you once again for listening. I welcome any advice or comments. Take care.