Thank  you everyone for your lovely comments on my first blog.

Tomorrow, I'm attending counseling with my best friend. She's been asking for me to go for months now and I am finally gonna do it. I'm beyond nervous to go because I'm a hidden and withdrawn person. So I don't know how I'll feel and I know I am going to try and resist playing with my hands because when I'm in public, that's how I relieve my anxiety.

Although my parents do not recognize the problems, my best friend and church leaders have been helping me throughout the years. I have a youth leader who also struggle with OCD so she has been an encouragement and friend through this.

My OCD really started after a bad confrontation with my father. Our relationship has always been bad, but when I was 11, he physically abused me in a Wendy's parking lot. I've tried to go to a Wendy's one time since then and I had a panic attack and I had to leave. I've avoided Wendy's for so many years and even someone mentioning it makes me really anxious. I know I need to face my broken relationship with my father, but I'm not sure I'm ready.

I recently went to the doctor and he realized it'll be difficult to do anything to help me until I get through to my parents that something is wrong. My brother was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and my father was totally against him getting any treatment, but when he's at college he sees a therapist. I'm getting the feeling that I'll have to wait until college to really seek help.

I lack a lot of freedom in my house. My parents are very strict on me. It's a double standard. My brothers are treated very differently than I am. They can come and go as they please. I can barely leave unless I beg pretty much. It's stressful.

Thanks for listening. (:

<3 have a good night

1 Comment
  1. cari 12 years ago

    Aww, I'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time.  It can be very difficult if those close to us are not supportive.  Unfortunately there are people out there (I have one in my life) who don't believe much in mental disorders and/or using medication to treat them.  They believe its mind over matter and that we are imaging it, or should be able to somehow "will" ourselves better.  Like we choose this???!!  Anyway, the point is that there are lots – tons of professionals and lay people who recognize the disorder and the need for treatment.  Try not to let your family influence you too much.  You may not be able to convince them that there is a problem, or your need for help.  If not, listen to those who are supportive of you and seek help by all means.  I wish I would have done this when I was younger.  I think people can have a much better life if they do seek out help early.  Use the resources that they have and seek out ones if they don't have any readily available.  Some people even get better, go into remission, etc.  I know it's hard though when you are living at home and your freedom is limited but I don't think ignoring it is going to help.  I'm thankful that you have your best friend and some others supporting you.  Good for you for going to the therapist!  Also remember you have support on here…you are not alone.  *HUG*

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