Thank you everyone for your lovely comments on my first blog.
Tomorrow, I'm attending counseling with my best friend. She's been asking for me to go for months now and I am finally gonna do it. I'm beyond nervous to go because I'm a hidden and withdrawn person. So I don't know how I'll feel and I know I am going to try and resist playing with my hands because when I'm in public, that's how I relieve my anxiety.
Although my parents do not recognize the problems, my best friend and church leaders have been helping me throughout the years. I have a youth leader who also struggle with OCD so she has been an encouragement and friend through this.
My OCD really started after a bad confrontation with my father. Our relationship has always been bad, but when I was 11, he physically abused me in a Wendy's parking lot. I've tried to go to a Wendy's one time since then and I had a panic attack and I had to leave. I've avoided Wendy's for so many years and even someone mentioning it makes me really anxious. I know I need to face my broken relationship with my father, but I'm not sure I'm ready.
I recently went to the doctor and he realized it'll be difficult to do anything to help me until I get through to my parents that something is wrong. My brother was recently diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and my father was totally against him getting any treatment, but when he's at college he sees a therapist. I'm getting the feeling that I'll have to wait until college to really seek help.
I lack a lot of freedom in my house. My parents are very strict on me. It's a double standard. My brothers are treated very differently than I am. They can come and go as they please. I can barely leave unless I beg pretty much. It's stressful.
Thanks for listening. (:
<3 have a good night