Wanna talk to me about prejudice? Go on, make my day. Coz I know about this ugly mean thing that makes you feel less than you really are.

I'm one of those chics that had low self-esteem built in right from the very beginning from a mother who would never hold me, pick me up, or play with me, she was severely depressed until the point where my father began to hit her. After that things all get pretty sketchy, and that was before my brother was born, and he's only three years younger than me.

Maybe I'm just whining because it's all happening just like I knew it would, just like they said it would… I am a minority older white female in a predominantly hostile Black/Hispanic mixed culture of gangs/families, and all they're trying to do is survive too, the only way they know… so I am not prejudiced. I'm only against people who are cruel, bitter, or anything worse than that…

Last night was probably the most monumental moment in the history of humanity, and only one friend I have, only one, the beautiful and gracious Alicia who does not even come to this site, only she understood. Everyone else was so shit-faced scared, or too freakin busy, or just not getting it, not wanting to get it, for whatever reason, but I am just blown away this morning… by the whole impact of it, all the implications… this one dude kept repeating over and over, "they're mortal… just like you and me, they have feelings, intellect, they are mortal…"

meanwhile on the home front all the people I really consider to be more than friends are screaming at me "meds" and "doctors" and I am so damn determined that they will not push me into that place of injections, and "evaluations" I mean, how dare they, really… EVALUATE me???? Who the hell are you and who the hell gave YOU any right whatsoever to EVALUATE me. I own my own land, I help people all the time, with what little money I do have, I donate every single month to help people save lives, but I am the forgotten woman, the girl born into a love, an understanding she would never even be able to understand or embrace until so very late in life….

where in this modern world, they want to stuff you down, shut you up, and I can't even BEGIN to tell you what a miracle I consider this internet here that we have… so much more is coming… I am in such tears today, because at least I know…. whether all you other goons sleep through it or not…

I'm not real crazy about the idea of aliens, real beings of humanoid form, some of which are the REAL controllers of this, OUR world, but wake up and smell that good coffee, cause that's reality folks, meds or no meds…

It's like Joe Rogan said one time, we talk and talk about all this weird stuff we try to figure out with physics and telescopes, microscopes, "… but nobody, nobody ever talks about the fact that we're intelligent conscious creatures flying through space, whatever THAT IS, on a ROCK,"  that could collide with anyother random rock at any time…. no wonder all the little precious peoples are grasping for their God, their Savior to get them from this hell, where somebody left us so very long ago…. hope they have enjoyed the show…. that's all I can say…….

Now here is a little addendum/insert I am adding for all you people who might really like to understand what it is to be a woman, born of very varied and very intense proclivities…  shall we say…  I am like a mad, stomping child right now, first feeling his power of intention, first feeling his physicality, yet looking up into a thing, that reflects an image back to my eyes, and it shows me someone that doesn't look all that strong, and it does so infuriate me, that finally, at this stage in my life where I almost make it, I might feel so defeated.   Is it enough that even one, just one other person makes contact?  The type of which you actually can sit back for a second and go…  hmmmm.    Think about that one for a while amigos, before someone deletes this too.