So, i had a party tonight…i dunno if ive written about this yet. anyway had a party tonight, is a costume party, the day i go out and get material for my costume and get one part (an ear) done i get reminded that i have a wedding to go to that day, at 5:30 in the arvo (wtf) in the city (fuck no!!!). I dont even really know these people, they arent really my friends, we have nothing in common besides my partner. But i have to go. never mind that i loathe weddings and anything to do with marraige besides the amount of diamonds u get to wear, and Going to the city stresses me out majorly, i hate going to the city, i end up having a panic attack, theres just too many people and im too far away from my comfort zone if i need to be home (i always worry ill get sick or spill something on me or have a major wardrobe malfunction or anything like that and i know its gunna take me over an hour before i can get home to fix it – im told alot of people feel the same). Who the fuck gets married at 5:30 in the arvo in september in melbourne? its dark and cold and …..cold…really really cold…

So anyway, i have to go tonight, which makes me uneasy all day, cos im sitting here knowing i cant do anything i want to do, 1, cos thats just the way i am, i wont start anything if i know im gunna have to go somewhere or do something, ill do it after iv gone or done it, and 2 cos im gunna have to start getting ready in a few hours.

it kinda sounds selfish me bitching bout the fact that i have to go to a wedding. its not the fact that its a wedding, its just the effect doin things i dont want to do or have planned to dohave on me. its hard to explain. and im getting frusterated trying to…im gunna go and try and calm down my nerves.