Okay, so while I was getting ready for group, I look at my naked body. I like the how skinny I was, but then I looked at my breasts, and butt. There is little to nothing there. I thought for a couple minutes, then talked to my mom. I tried to help her understand my Eating Disorder. I told I am willing to go up to 107, and stay there. I told her I will not go up anymore than that. She agreed to it. But I explained to her, that I can't get there by eating. I feel like I am the fat ass of the house each time I even nibble on something. So, I am going to talk to my therapist, Ashley, and do some research on some protein milk that can give me everything I need to be healthy, and help me gain weight. I am also going to go to Yahoo Answers and see if they have any ideas. Please feel free to comment any suggestions, opinion's, anything. I know what I am doing is sort of ridiculous, and my thoughts are ridiculous, but not many people can understand. All I know, is that I am not going back to Forest View for Eating Disorder. It is pure hell there. I remember my first meal.. It was breakfast, and I was served a pre-packaged bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I remember sitting there, nibbling. Then, one of the workers there sort of yelled at me. That is when I broke, I bursted into tears, right then, and didn't stop till afterwards. And if you really knew me, you would know, I do not cry. It may seem that I am trying to make you all think I am one strong ass punk kid who shows off, but I am not. The reason why I don't cry is because when I was 5, my mom's abusive boyfriend, Justin, threatened to jerk the wheel and make us hit a tree. (we were obviously in the car) But anyways, as he made his threats, I had tears flooding my cheeks. I remember Justin's exact words. He said.. "You better stop fucking crying right now! Before I make this car hit a fucking tree!" As soon as the words left his lips, I stopped crying. Ever since then, whenever I even start to get teary-eyed, I hit myself as hard as I can in the face, non-stop, until I toughen up. Anyways, I got to go to group. Love you all. Thanks for listening to me. 🙂 <33

XoXoX