So I went to the funeral yesterday…. It started at 11 and we didn't get home till like 6ish…. She looked so different in that coffin…. It simply couldn't have been here. As we were going around the room, looking at the memory boards people were smiling and sharing memories. There were some people who were crying but the crying didn't really start to happen until the peacher and everyone else started talking about her. She knew the preacher for sometime and he was sharing his memories about her to us. Then the family and friends started to all talk about her in such positive ways that everyone started to cry as they thought about the memories that they had shared with my aunt…. I'm not much of a crying but I can tell you that I was balling in that crowd of sad people. I just miss her so much.
There was a picture right next to the coffin. It had captured her so well. She was just staring there, smiling and looking prettier than ever. But I swear, everytime I looked at that picture, it was like she was there…. staring back at me. Like she will always be there, staring at me and watching over me. I know that she is in a better place and it is almost selfish of me to wish that she were still here with us but I do. I wish the cancer would have never taken her away from us…. away from me…. It just doesn't seem fair. I've lost so many people to that stupid lung cancer. Why did it have to take her? Why couldn't it just have skipped her and left her be? She was everything to me. I just miss her so much! I can barely sleep because of it and that little sleep that I do get, is unrestful sleep. I just…. I wish she were here so that I could hug her and say that I love her and…. just….. I'm so tired…. I need… I need to go and sleep….