I think I keep my distance from men because I feel like if I get too close, and I feel like I want to be their friend, I have to give them my body for them to return the friendship.
Usually when I go to work I feel normal because I can focus on what I am doing. I don’t have to focus on myself. We have a box compactor at work. When you hit the “go” button the machine pushes the boxes to the end of the container, then retracts and repeats. I froze. I watched it crush the boxes and I imagined myself crawling inside and slowly being crushed to death. I was so involved in the image that I had stopped breathing. I just stared at the crusher slowly crushing the boxes and I panicked inside because I felt like I was really in there being crushed.