I’ve been struggling with nightmares the past few weeks. They always come. But never leave. The memory is engraved into my head. It all leads back to my sexual assault. Knowing I could very well have prevented it. The feeling of his disgusting hands on my body still lingers. I still shower at least 3 times a day just to get the feeling off of me. The pain of it. The mental and physical scars. Knowing I may very well never be able to have sex again. Knowing my future relationships will never be the same. And all he said was “I’m sorry”. Sorry isn’t going to fix what happened. I wish it did. But it doesn’t. Therapy doesn’t help. It makes shit worse. Cause then I go home after opening wounds that I wanted to keep hidden. The pain of reliving terrible memories. It’s all too much sometimes. You know?
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I’m so sorry for what happened to you. It must be terrible to live with that memory. Thank you for reaching out. I imagine it is very painful emotionally to live with what happened. My friend was repeatedly assaulted by her grandfather when she was a child. She is forever changed by it but she also counsels women on their sexuality and has helped many people including me get in touch with themselves. I’m saying this because you are not alone. This terrible thing happens to good good people. My friend is an example of someone who arose from her abuse (never forgot it) and used it to connect with other people to help them heal. I believe there is a bright light for you. I honor your process in pain. But when you’re ready there is goodness around the corner. You are loved. Thank you again for sharing.