Being a person of science & a pragmatist to boot I've never really been able to fit religion & theological belief into my own mental scheme of the universe. I've made several overtures in the past but somehow the two never quite meshed in my mind & heart in a sincere & genuine way.

I'm around alot of people now who are near the end of their lives and coming to terms with their own individual mortalities. This has been an eye-opening experience for me insomuch as no matter how hard I try & put an equation to life & whatever comes afterward I cannot. I see them individually passing from time to time & wonder to myself "could this really be all there is"? Or perhaps as Shakespeare quoted in Hamlet "There is more in Heaven & Earth Horatio than can be explained by your Philosophy".

I'm solidly in my own middle-years now & have come to a crisis of conscious in my beliefs. I've always gone my own path in life & done the nontraditional ie never married or had kids etc & so really don't have a tangible legacy to leave or a mark which would tell the world that "I was here". People come to me & tell me that I need to "believe in something" but I always feel like I've just gone through the motions when it comes to belief in an intelligent design to the universe.

I guess where I'm going with all this is that on this particular date and weekend on the Julian Calendar we are reminded of death & renewed life which even if you're not a fundamental Believer in the Resurrection as I've not been you have to recognize that a certain order DOES exist in the laws of God or nature or whatever you want to call it. Maybe I'm just softening up a bit however I guess at some point I need to open my own eyes & see whats around me. That is all.