Things that have helped me ignore my OCD.. well first, my boyfriend. I don't know what it is about him that allows me to forget but I do, it's amazing. Touching when it comes to him isn't an issue. I still have an issue with things in our house that I touch, but when it comes to him, I forget. My biggest worry growing up was sex and what would I have to do when it comes to that. It's almost as if my OCD is completely gone when it comes to sex. I can excape to another world and I ama different person and I am 'ok'. I always worried that I would have to have sex twice, etc. but that was never an issue. I don't even keep track mentally which is a breath of fresh air for me.


I find that things I know will always be there are not an issue to me. If I feel nothing will ever happen to certain things, or things I touch every day aren't an issue. My cats for example, touching them isn't an issue as much as other things. When I brush them it has to be even strokes in whichever area I have decided to brush. Oh well, they keep me happy. I think sometimes I feel I am better but I have just learnt to cope really well with the things I do, it's like they don't even happen anymore. I am so used to touching certain things that it's like I don't even do it repeatedly anymore, which is nice.. I think??


Things that make my OCD worse would have to be when something in life is going wrong. If something bad happened at work, or with my boyfriend than my OCD is almost out of control. My numbers go up for how many times I have to touch things and I once again find myself retracing my steps to make sure I didn't do anything out of order. So I guess, my problems never went away. I just stored them until I felt the need to use them again. Oh well, this is just me I guess. I'm never going to change, I have accepted who I am and the life I will live. Sometimes I find myself dreaming and imagining what a life would be like without OCD. I've considered getting help but I haven't exactly ever told anyone before. Besides my friends from elementary school (who I'm sure have forgotten what I told them), nobody knows. This is the first time I have actually sat down and wrote anything or opened my heart to anyone before. I find comfort in it, but I still don't think I will ever be able to tell anyone what is wrong with me. I am too afraid that if I do something bad will happen and the last thing I want to happen is to lose someone I love because of it.


I've tried things like drug use and alcohol to try and cope. I found that it actually really helped considering it was a control factor that didn't allow me to control my body.  In no way do I suggest this. I tried this when I was younger and greatly regret it. It has caused me to become more depressed and I still have cravings and flash backs to this day because of drug use.


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