Today is the big move from San Francisco to Virginia. I'm not worried too much, because my dad's helping me pack and get stuff to the airport, and my rat is already back in VA. The rat was the biggest worry I had with the move, and he got shipped via Delta Cargo last week (which was nervewracking to arrange, but ultimately a positive experience, and the people with Delta were all very courteous and helpful).

I'm relieved that I'm going to be near my psychiatrist again. I really need to be working closely with her right now, and probably I should be going to therapy as well. I really lack coping mechanisms and my anxiety and paranoia has been getting worse. I've been having mild panic attacks (racing thoughts, elevated heartbeat, jitters, trouble telling real from delusional) and I've been compulsively apologizing and reassurance-seeking, which are bad signs for me. I need my medications tweaked and I would really like to learn some ways to maybe help curb my paranoia, if possible.

I'm definitely going to be coming back to San Francisco, though. I really love it here, and my best friends are out here. Before I come back, though, I'll make sure to get a local doctor (or two) and a more auspicious living situation. I also need to learn my limits in terms of school workloads and attendance. Getting to class was what really hurt me the hardest these last few semesters, since I was so frightened of my professors and nervous about leaving my apartment.

Hopefully today will go smoothly and I will have a safe and simple trip (Odhin and Donner protect me). I'm very nervous about air travel but I always make sure to get a little drunk at the airport so I don't feel it so much. Bad habit, I know, but it helps. Oh well.


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